Christmas

Here's a pet peeve of mine. Why must we eliminate the word Christmas from our vocabulary? It doesn't strike me as embracing of religions, more like censorship of religions. If I say "Merry Christmas" should it offend them if they don't celebrate it? American Indians are not huge fans of Thanksgiving but we are still allowed to say "Happy Thanksgiving." If a person said "Happy Hannukuh" or "Happy Kwanza" should that offend me? How crazy. Why should anyone be offended by a felicitation, a celebration of anything good and happy? I am at a loss. The result of this phenomenon won't be tolerance, I can see that much.
Jody had to go in the clink on Wednesday. Many people have asked me questions, so I feel like we may not have been clear. He took a tablet that contains radioactive iodine which attacks any remaining thyroid tissue and hopefully any remaining cancer tissue and kills it. It doesn't have any physical side effects. He feels completely normal and bored. The only reason he's in the clink is so that he doesn't expose the family to the iodine which isn't really very good for people with healthy thyroids.
Nick is really a funny little guy. He acted like he wanted to go to bed early tonight so I took him upstairs and then he started singing to me. It was so beautiful. I couldn't follow the melody like when he sings abc's or row row row your boat but he was just so happy, he had to sing. Then he hopped down out of my arms and went to play cars. He had his 18 month checkup yesterday and he was below the 3rd percentile for weight and 7th percentile for height and 40th percentile for his head size. So... I guess his head is growing even if the rest of him isn't!
Kaitlyn is really a pill lately. I guess she isn't getting enough sleep. What else could compell my darling little three year old to tell Eden she was going to kick her a hundred times? First I refused to read to them before bed, for this hateful behavior, then I gave the huge brainwashing lecture that I've been neglecting lately. I gave them at least ten scenarios of their future lives where having a sister will be invaluable and basically a godsend. Then I pulled out the big guns and listed all of the poor people they know that don't even HAVE a sister. They humbly apologized to each other for whatever the heck they were so mad about and passed out for the night.
Eden is really a great age. Gin loved 5 but I love 6. She is so thoughtful and really trys to keep peace in the house and uses self restraint. I love it!
I went to a storage auction today. Why do I keep punishing myself? I stood there in 30 degree weather with three small children and looked at the biggest unit ever, so full of furniture from 1985 that I couldn't imagine how big the house it came from was and Eden said "Mom, I don't think you should bid on that, it's too big." Yup, she was right. Somebody paid $200 for the stuff though. Then we looked at this ratty little unit full of toys and beat up kids furniture and stuff and nobody bid and it got down to $5 so I said I'd take it. I went in there and there was not a single thing worth having or trying to sell. I'm picky though. Well, I called my favorite charity and they were thrilled. In a thrift store, they'll make plenty off of it, but when you just want to be able to throw a few things on Craigslist and see them sell, it's not worth it. So, luckily I got bailed out of another storage auction fiasco... and days before Christmas.
I apologize that I had to make it basically impossible for people to comment on my blog but there was some kind of virus stuff being posted, so I had to tighten up the comments. If anyone is still reading this, let me know. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing to a bunch of empty chairs.
Merry Christmas and I hope that doesn't offend anyone. If you are of another religion or no religion at all, felicitations of the glorious holiday season, may you be blessed by the celebration of Christmas even if it isn't for you.

Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn was busily stuffing her shirt into her pants as I walked by and I asked her why she was tucking her shirt in. She vigorously continued and grunted out "I need to tuck my shirt in because some people that work at Home Depot wear pants that show their butt cracks... and I don't want that to happen." I said "Oh, did you see that at Home Depot one day?" "No, but Eden told me about it" she huffed as she twisted to the side to tuck the back in. "It might have been when I was one or two, I'm not sure."

The Wedding and other stuff

We went to Daniel and Hannah's wedding this weekend. They are a beautiful couple full of love and joy. I predict a wonderful life together. Eden and Kait were the flower girls with one of Hannah's neices. They all did a great job and looked so beautiful. I loved it.

Today I went to get Eden's Christmas gift from someone off of Craigslist. He had advertised a nice camera for $50 and I offered $40 and told him I was on a tight budget for Christmas. He accepted and worked one block from Eden's school. I thought it was great and handed him the money. He handed half of it back to me and told me Merry Christmas. I was stunned. I told him I didn't know what to say and he told me not to say anything and have a great Christmas.

I got home and flipped open the target ad and found Kaitlyns present on sale for $20 as well. That leaves me so far, with plenty for stockings! I'm thankful for the small blessings in life.

Jody's surgery was exhausting. Thankfully, it's over and we can move on to the next step which is the radioactive iodine therapy and a full body scan. I'm praying it all works out and we can put this behind us like so many people with thyroid cancer do.

November

Well, last November wasn't exactly a great month and this November is not proving to be much better. Jody was told by the doc that he has thyroid cancer and has to have his thyroid completely removed. They'll take samples from the nodes and make sure it hasn't spread but it almost never does in thyroid cancer, so the odds are really good. I just don't like worrying about odds at all. He feels confident and is very calm about going under the knife. So, just pray for my lover boy and believe with us that God can use this experience as a testimony to the world of God's power and love for his children.
The election was rather disappointing. People put their vote where their financial hope is, which I find very disappointing. The thing I find the most amazing and confusing is that people think Obama will fix the economy. I mean, we have an economy crisis so we elect a spender that doesn't believe in the philosophy of making small businesses prosper so they can employ more people? It's so odd. America has chosen so I'm going to drop it.
Jody secured a great project for his company and was recognized this week in the company meeting as the person that made it happen. I was so happy for him. It's actually a really interesting project. They're working on a huge park in Erie.
Eden is doing great in school. She's made some wonderful friends. She's reading her little HOP books like a little bee. I'm so proud of her. She comes home and educates Kaitlyn on everything she learns in history and sings all these new little songs she's learning. Tomorrow is parent teacher conference, so I'll be curious to see what the teacher feels we need to work on at home etc...
Kaitlyn is thriving and speaks so maturely. This morning I woke up at 7:30 to a fully dressed Kaitlyn standing by my bed giving me a report. It went something like this "I got up, I got dressed, I let the dogs outside so you wouldn't have to and I went potty in my potty. I'm going to go set the table and get all of the cereal out so you won't have to."
Nick is still a bossy little tyrant. I don't know about that guy sometimes. He has tantrums about every 30 minutes and smiles and flirts in between. He's very mechanical and spends alot of time pushing cars around and making car noises and stacking blocks and playing with balls. He hates it when Kaitlyn grabs him around his middle and tries to lift him off of the floor. She does it at least twice a day. Even Eden finds herself yelling at Kaitlyn about it but Kait just can't resist. I remember doing something similar to my favorite cat as a child. I would dig my hands into his neck and say "gitchie gitchie gitchie" while I'd grit my teeth. He hated it and I couldn't understand why. Poor guy must've had a pretty sore neck. Anyway, Nick is the victim of Kaitlyn's obsession.
Cotton is a very cute little bunny. We just don't have a good spot for him to live. He's currently downstairs with us at night and that's not going too well. He gets hyper in the middle of the night and runs laps around the little cage. I think he might be bouncing off of the walls. Jody is quite fed up and I just don't know where to put him. I'm standing in the dining room right now contemplating the corner by the china cabinet but I feel that rabbit poop should not be in a close proximity to our dining experience...
Ta ta for now. Hope all of our wonderful friends and supporters are doing great.

Birthday Girl

Well, Eden is six. She's a joy and a blessing. We had a fun birthday party at the pumpkin patch and she received far more gifts than I consider healthy. We gave her a bunny rabby who she named Cotton. He's a New Holland Lop and is opal colored. I'll get a picture up after we've gotten our camera back in business. The only reason we did this was because I foolishly promised her she could have one when she turned six about two years ago but we love him.

Halloween is around the corner and Eden will be Gabriella from High School Musical and Kait will be a Snow Princess. Nick has inherited the Oatmeal Bear costume from Kait. I do not expect him to ever show interest in any further hand me down costumes, particularly this years.

My little brother Daniel is getting married on December 6th to his sweetheart Hannah Mae in Nebraska, so we'll be travelling there for the big event and Eden and Kait were honored with the request that they be flower girls along with her neice. That's right, three flower girls. Really tempting fate there. The bride told me the other day that they will have silver dresses with green hand beading and silver shoes. I wonder if I should tie silver ribbons around their heads. Wouldn't that be cute?

A few pics from August and September

Jody's Aunt MaryLu recently requested some pictures and it made me realize I hadn't posted any good pictures for September.

Nobody can still be reading this but...

Here's a great Youtube video that is really a must see if you are confused over who to vote for and wonder who has the best interest of the country at heart and knows how to help the economy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5tZc8oH--o
Kaitlyn had a huge Mommy attachment blah blah blah breakthrough yesterday. We went to church and she announced that she would be attending Sunday School. I took her to the door, they opened it and she marched in without a trace of fear. She smiled and waved goodbye. When I came and got her she told me that she wanted to be there the whole time and loved it. I couldn't believe it. Each of the girls have now been rooted in the attached philosophy and taken their wings completely on their own and I see no adverse effects from never tearing them from me kicking and screaming. Well, maybe a few psychological ones for me from never having a minute to myself... not even in the bathtub or on the toilet or in bed... or hiding under the steps to the basement muttering unintelligible blubber watching the door stopper bounce over and over... No that never happend, I made it up... for real.
Today Eden came home from school crying because her best friend was going over to someone else's house for the afternoon and she was inconsolably jealous. I had to reach way down inside myself for compassion. I rattled through a few quick lectures that had no effect whatsoever. I hugged her. I asked her to name five things in her life that make her happy. She told me she had none. I got desperate and started naming them myself. She told me she just wanted to go to Heaven right now and forget everything. It scared the pants off of me and I had a sudden burst of overwhelming compassion and explained to her why that would break everyone's hearts and that God put us here for a reason and we need to get busy and do what He needs done, not wish we were already in Heaven. Did I go too deep? Should I have ignored the whole display from the beginning and told her life is tough? I don't know. The kid was hysterical and I feel like I'm gonna do the wrong thing with these situations no matter what. We wrapped the conversation up with discussing the joy of the Lord and making brownies.
Nick is officially on a non-dairy diet. I am at my wits end with how tiny he is and how bad his digestive system has always seemed. Yesterday I let him have a scone in the morning and he screamed the afternoon away. I am on the non-dairy thing too and it's crummy but if it helps then so be it. I'll be curious to see how he does today because I've been VERY careful for the last 24 hours. I just hope I can stick with it. I am so weak where food is concerned.
Jody worked 70 hours last week. I hate to see him have to put in those kind of hours behind a computer. I personally think office work is so much more draining than manual labor. Three hours spent planning treats for the school year for the teachers left me feeling like a noodle. It reminded me how hard it is to get up and go to work every day. I appreciate him so much. He's such a great man.
I have two couches to sell right now. One is a fabulous Mid Century Sectional that I am having a very hard time estimating the value of, but I think I will make several hundred dollars on it at the very least. The other is not selling. I'm a little bummed about it. I wanted to sell it this weekend and get the big exciting one in but nobody called on it... Maybe I'll just rearrange the living room and squeeze them both in.
We replaced the dishwasher and stove in the kitchen and the landlord gave us a break on the rent for the expense. It's so nice to have newer appliances that actually work well.
The girls got bunkbeds and they just love them. I think they're such a great tool for imagination.
Whoa... breaking news... The House has turned down the 700Billion bill! Incredible. Where will we all be tomorrow? LOL! Well, I guess the whole world will collapse now. Maybe with this great failure we can find success again and learn restraint and wisdom! Or maybe everything will continue to hang in the balance for awhile longer while a more reasonable idea is presented.

Bye Bye Capitalism... Hello Socialism

First of all, there will probably be no common thread in this blog. I feel like rambling.
The financial system is broken. Rather than let people find their ways, pay the cost and work our way out of it, the feds are stepping in, to make sure nobody has to skip the next Bronco's game. I trivialize it, I know. I just look at all the money our government spends on building sailing museums and the national endowment for the arts and saving the whales and on welfare and I just don't get it. Then I look at greedy wall street and the lack of any accountablility and wonder why we thought that would work. When people get up and go to work in the morning, they really ought to have some integrity and do their jobs. I do mine. I don't let Nick sit in poop. I don't starve the kids. I don't forget to take Eden to school. Jody does his job. He brings home the bacon and sends Uncle Sam his bacon. Simply put, we're in it up to our eyeballs and now we are freefalling into socialism and everyone is saying it's the only way out because nobody should have to be held accountable or have to work. I've about had it with the government and with Wall Street. They're a bunch of crooks that don't want to face the music. And let's all face it. The problem is not that those yahoos don't have enough foreign policy knowledge or longstanding experience in the Senate. The problem is principles! The worst and most terrible part of it is that they weren't even playing with their own money. All I know is somebody had better start locking these people up. It's so much worse than car theft or burglary. It's just sickening. Now back to Uncle Sam... They can sock it to me for property tax and for income tax but by golly they're going to have to twist sales tax out of me. If I need or want something, I gather up stuff that we don't use around the house and sell it on Craigslist. Then, I buy what I want or need, again on Craigslist and save hundreds of dollars per year in sales tax. Makes me feel good. I feel like I'm "stickin it to the man. " I'd like to see America on it's knees. Seriously. We're out of control. Debt is a lifestyle. Everyone is walking around with a big financial cloud hanging over them and we're slaves to our greed. Well, I sat here screaming and nobody heard me. Down the toilsom and unrewarding spiral of socialism we go.
So, in summary. Government needs to cut spending. American's need to cut spending. People need to find something else to invest in besides loans and people need to stop getting loans for latte's and bronco's games. Finally, PEOPLE need to keep track of their money. Get a budget. Know where your money is at all times and MANAGE it. Do not get too busy to take care of your money. And acknowledge that we really are all bright enough to handle our money. We don't need big goverment to handle it for us and we don't need them to dole it out to the people that don't manage it either. I want capitalism back!

9/15/08

Today I told Eden that I was going to make her favorite dinner. She turned on her winning smile and said "POTPIE?!!!!" I said "yep." She said "I have hearts in my eyes because I love pot pie so much!"
We've been reading the Little House on the Prarie books. Strangely, I've never read them, so it's a nice thing to read them to the girls. Every page is new to me too and they find the books completely captivating.
Nick seems to have caught a cold. I hope it's a little bit of a healthier winter than some that we've survived. He's such a little shrimp, I can't afford for him to stay sick all winter.
Kait is doing great in homeschool. She demands it of me, so there's never any time to slack off. I told Gin today, that I guess I just don't have time to drink my tea and chat on the phone with her in the morning anymore. I hit the snooze on my alarm this morning and missed my shower. I finally caught up enough to get the shower after Eden got home from school and before I took the kids to gymnastics. Ugh. I don't know about all of this.
I somehow got fanangled into managing the food stuff at the school. Treats are taken every Wednesday for the teachers and I am in charge of assigning the duties, reminding the people and filling in the days that people can't. My volunteers have alot of advice for me and my email inbox is a complete mess. I also have to plan and assign tasks for three meals twice this year for conferences. I have to plan the theme and organize the whole thing. ME! I forgot Nicks' doctor appointment today. I felt like the king of the mountain because I REMEMBERED to send the requested boiled egg to school with Eden today. ME! Everyone just pray for me. That's all I can say.
Well, that's all for tonight.... except a little Oprahma Drama.
Well, Jody says Oprah always was 100% fake. I dunno, I watched her show every couple of months and thought it was pretty good sometimes. I didn't think she was racially motivated or anything. She seemed concerned about women. Maybe she is, but here's where people need to know that her politics are coming on her show again. If you agree with them, then fine. If you just don't know anything about it and care, here's the link.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,422985,00.html

More Ranting

I'll start off easy. Eden said something pretty funny yesterday AM. She was sitting at the counter eating her warmed over french toast and asked me for a wet paper towel. I proceeded to warm the water and while I was wetting it, she elaborated with "I got syrup on my eyeshadow spot." All the while, she had her head tipped up and one eye sqinting at me. Very funny. She knows eyeshadow but not eyelid. What a little fashion plate. Oh, and she has abandoned all aspirations to become a rockstar, she wants to be an olympic gymnast. Much better.
Kaitlyn has been giving me a run for the money on school. What will we do next year? She just goes and goes and goes with it. I can't believe the child. She has an insatiable appetite for either school or my undivided attention. I'm not sure which but it is so fun. I just love her. She uses the word "correct" all the time. Very funny.
Nick is turning into the funniest little guy. He was playing with some big kids at gymnastics today and I was just cracking up. He is adorable. He just runs from one thing to the next and attacks with purpose. I can't stop watching him.
Okay. Stop reading now if you're turkey timer has popped on the ole politics.
1. Matt Damon. Who asked him in the first place? Why should we care? How many previous Presidents does he think have believed in Creation? Why does that make a person unworthy of holding the nuclear codes? Don't answer that Matt because I don't want your answer.
2. Obama called Palin a pig. Okay, whatever. Big suprise. I really don't think the Democrats are known for keeping their feet out of their mouths anyway.
3. The crazy's really showed up for the Republicans convention. Jody says it's because they don't have jobs anyway and the Republicans didn't have time to protest the Democrat's convention because we were too busy earning paychecks for them to slice the cream off of.
4. ANOTHER STIMULUS? You have got to be kidding me. Okay, if the Bronco's game is sold out this week, I don't really think we're in a recession. Come on people. Stimulus check, followed by bail out, followed by Freddie and Fannie takeover, followed by STIMULUS CHECK???? Is this still America? What in the world? Can we not control ourselves? What do they intend to do about a real recession? Well, I guess if they elect Obama, we'll find out. See you in the bread line. For the love of God!!!! To anyone reading this, who actually believes in redistribution of wealth... It will not even last one generation, the wealth will always return to the responsible people who know how to curb the urge to spend and understand that it's alot easier to earn interest than pay it.
5. What's the big deal about Obama being more ready than Palin to lead just because he picked a VP well versed in foreign policy. What do people think Palin would do if she were President, pick Bart Simpson for a VP? Nah, she'd probably pick Fred Thompson or someone with alot of experience and knowledge. Let us not also forget that there's such a thing as a Presidential Cabinet. What are they there for? Presidents do deal alot with foreign policy but it's not all in the knowledge of one human, it's in the joint effort of a group of leaders and perfect execution of the plan.
6. Palin interview. I missed it but will watch it and give my observations soon.

It is better to give than to receive.

The rantings of a Radical Right Wing Conservative

I'm literally nauseated by the hatred I read. It's one thing to say that you think someone would be a terrible president and another thing entirely to do what I see people doing to Sarah Palin. It's sickening and I just don't understand it. I knew we were outnumbered in the communications world but I had no idea how bad it is to be outnumbered until now. Here I am actually worried about people wanting to elect Obama for what I consider to be very grave and dangerous reasons. People just want to hate Sarah Palin for some reason and she's only running as a running mate at the request of John McCain. She didn't ask for this, she's just trying to do what she can for the country. Well, oh well. Thank goodness I'm not in politics. I can't imagine what that must feel like. No wonder women don't have an equal seat in politics. If this is the way they get treated, why would anyone want to suffer that? I have the strongest feeling that if McCain had picked a Pawlenty or even his buddy Lieberman there would have been no uproar whatsoever and he would have lost hands down. So, he picks someone that he thinks has pluck and appeal to common people and they pick her apart systematically even though she's just a hard working mom like the next woman. I find it completely ironic that people would criticize her for this but I don't see those people criticizing women who have low paying jobs and have to work 70 hours a week to make ends meet and never see their kids. Instead of praising her for her hard work and ingenuity to help provide for her family and attain a position that gives her family a good quality of life, she's criticized. It's so weird. Where is a woman's place? People gently criticize me for staying home all of the time, intimating that if anything ever happened to Jody or our relationship that I'd be up a creek. Well what is right? It's just so tiresome. Mothers beat ourselves over the head for being less than perfect all of the time and then we always have a few more people that like to join in the fray. There is no foolproof answer, and what's right for one isn't right for another. I admit I don't understand a need for a career when the kids are little but I certainly don't think poorly of someone who does have one big or small. I wish all the best to Sarah Palin and her career and her wonderful family. I think it's also very strange that everyone thinks that McCain is on deaths door. I looked at a list of presidents who died in office, the youngest being 48. Proof that we have no idea how long we will live, or whether or not our president will die of natural causes, be assasinated or perhaps have nothing happen to him/her at all.
Here's another very interesting thing to ponder, I got it on wikipedia.

One president, Gerald Ford, was never elected as either vice president or president; he was appointed vice president by Richard Nixon (with approval from Congress) upon the resignation of Vice President Spiro Agnew. He succeeded to the presidency after Nixon's resignation and was defeated in the 1976 election by Jimmy Carter.

Surgery Success and all that other Life in General stuff

Hi everyone, Nick's surgery went very well and I now feel like I was much more worried about the whole process than I should have been. Jody and I were really biting our nails about it for the last few months but he came through like a trooper and doesn't even need pain meds. He's as happy as a lark.
Eden started gymnastics this past Thursday and it was so wonderful. Her friend Charlotte from school happens to be in the same class and they were very happy to see each other there. It made me so happy that she's finally finding her place in Longmont. It's been a pretty tough transition for her.
Kaitlyn has been sponging up homeschool like a champ these last couple of weeks and we'll be cranking it up this week. We'll start back with story hour at the Library and she will start gymnastics as well. She's so much fun to teach because she acts like it's an act for me to teach and her to learn etc... She does everything I read about in my Montessori books. She works on things until she's done and loves to teach herself. Jody and his dad made the kids a table with a big tub in it and we'll be doing alot of hands on experiments with it. I'm very excited. She'll be able to practice pouring, measuring, sorting and things like that with it. Here's a link to exactly what they made in no time at all. It's called the sand and water table.
www.ericsprojects.com
Jerry and Marcy came out for an extended visit and we all had so much fun I don't know where to begin or end. First of all we all cooked the whole week and ate completely sumptuous food. The kids played their hearts out. Eden learned how to ride her bike!!!! Training wheels are gone and she is now wobbling her way down the sidewalks. It was so exciting. Jerry took Eden to school in the Corvette. That was a pretty big hit. Kait and Eden did about 50 craft projects with Marcy which was so nice for the not so crafty mom. We went shopping.... of course. The best thing of all for me was that they stayed through the surgery and took Eden and Kait to the Childrens Museum. It was so nice that we could focus on Nick and know that the girls were completely cared for.
More later, but long and short, we are really settling in to our life in Longmont and finding our place.
We have a renter in Kasson for at least nine months, possibly longer.
I hope

Not much time but this blog is so dated!

Eden is doing great in Kindergarten. We had a rough start but we are all settling in nicely. I'm just praying they'll start to really challenge her soon because she is a little bit disappointed with the class activities so far. She does love recess and has a new friend named Sara.
PALIN!!! WAhoooooo! You rock girl. I'm so proud to be an American and vote for someone with MORALS, conviction, heart and passion. You are, as my husband put it "a Bad Ass!" So go for it, do what you say and stand up for the real people of America. When I heard John McCain wanted a pro-death running mate it had all but sealed his fate in my mind. But when he picked Palin, it was like a sudden cool mountain breeze on a hot heavy summer day in Arkansas, when the wind stands still, and sweat runs down your body without any promise of reprieve. All I can say, is now America needs so show some common sense and throw all we have behind this true American. McCain has now earned my vote, which I had considered impossible. And Piper, you are just adorable and so is Trig. I can't believe I'm actually excited about the presidential race after all.
Tomorrow is Nick's surgery so I hope everyone will be praying for him. We're nervous.

Eden Shea

I'm sitting here with tears running down my face like rushing rivers. It is so disappointing that I dissolved into a puddle because now I'll have a headache and it will last all day tomorrow unless I take drugs and I don't want to but to be honest, I'm just trying to make this all about me so I won't think about Eden. My sweet sweet Eden. My angel girl. My pumpkin doodle. My little Kindergartener. I don't want to let her go. She's going to have so much fun, but I won't be there for it. I'll miss it all and she won't remember to tell me a quarter of it. I love her so much and I laid in bed picturing the day she was born, so tiny, so perfect, how cute and chubby she was as a one year old, wrecking mischeif with the dogfood bowl, how adorable when she turned two and I could finally snag enough of her hair together for pigtails, how she greeted the new life of her sister with reverence and joy, how infuriating at three coloring on every surface of our house but then turning thos beguiling eyes on me and melting me into a puddle and riding her trike like the wind, and four, oh four was so neat, she got her bike, she got a baby brother, she had a best friend next door and life was so good. Now five is almost over and I feel like this year was lost. Too much time wasted, moving and trying to make ends meet. I'm grateful to have had it so easy for so much of her childhood but five was really just stolen from me. Well, I sold it for worry I guess. What a terrible trade. I vow that six will be golden. I'll live it like no other year with her. We'll make the best memories and even though I'll miss three hours of her day to school, I'll live the rest like I should and maybe I'll even try to savor the time alone with Nick and Kait, they never had that with me like Eden did. Sometimes I think I should make this a journal instead of a blog. Maybe I shouldn't lay all of my emotions out there for everyone under the sun to read and criticize. At any rate, my heart feels broken and I can't sleep. Tomorrow, my angel baby will take her first step from my nest and it hurts. People tell me they felt the same but I just can't believe it. It's way worse than anyone said and I wonder if I'm a drama queen, too attached, or what but I have no answer and sometimes it seems like the more I cry, the sadder I get instead of the sadder I get, the more I cry. Matter of fact, I have no idea which is causing the other and I don't think it would make me feel better to know anyway.

Is this the best we can do?

A recent visitor to our home made the same observation that pretty much everyone seems to be regarding the impending election. I'll do a quick summary of my perceptions of two candidates that I have no intention of voting for. I don't know who I will vote for, but it will NOT be one of these two. I violated my principles and voted for Bush and it did nothing but create a masterful mess.
Obama. A charasmatic empty windbag. I hear him chanting the same thing over and over and there is NO substance to his message. I dug a little deeper on him and found nothing I believe in and no changes that I want that man to make in this wonderful country. Primarily, he is pro-partial birth abortion. This is huge. For anyone that only knows "partial birth abortion" as a phrase and has no real idea what it is, it is the biggest atrocity of our nation. People in white coats, induce labor on a woman who is pregant with a baby that can survive and deliver everything but the head of this wonderful living human being, then they stab the baby in the back of the head with a pair of scissors and remove the brain. Then they deliver the poor lifeless child and throw it away. Yes, Obama's voting record shows that he believes in this. I could stop right there and ask everyone how they could in all conscience vote for such an animal. As a matter of fact, I will stop because I'm already very ill. Suffice it to say, this man has no principles or morals and I cannot vote for him.
McCain. A wolf in sheeps clothing. He is a liberal disguised as a conservative with one foot in the grave to boot. His affilliations and adgenda's are so far removed from the true conservative position that I don't know where to start. I have no idea what he is even doing running on the Republican ticket. All I do know is that conservatives really need to wake up and take a stand for what is right. We need to demand more from these political phony's and we need to rethink our priorities as conservatives. Restructuring a few things in our party would make us much more appealing to the swing voters like increasing our presence on the scene of "conservation of the earth." If we really took issues like "healthcare"by the head and called it the money machine that it is it would be a tremendous start. I have a few analogies. Kearney got a hematoma on her ear. We don't have pet insurance which is just as much of a scam as any other kind of insurance so I called every vet in Longmont until I found one that would do the surgery she needed at a price I could "afford" to pay. Interestingly, she was several hundred dollars cheaper than the others and used a simpler surgery that is proven to be just as effective as the expensive surgery used by other vets. If we treated all healthcare in this way, the competition would drive down the price. It works anywhere. It works in any town or countryside. If people want your business, make them work for it. You worked hard to earn that money, don't give it away lightly. Secondly, stop buying new stuff and stop buying stuff made in China. Come on people, what do you think is causing all of the problems with the job market? We've moved everything over to China and Mexico and nobody has jobs anymore. We're paying poor children in China a pittance to make a bunch of junk that we don't need and then we fill up our houses with it. Just stop. Go to the thrift store or Craigslist or Freecycle when you need something. It might take a week or so to come across it but you'll save a fortune and feel better about yourself for it. We have become ridiculously greedy for all things shiny and new, and the wastefulness of our world is so depressing. We're a single income family, with a huge mortgage and a huge rent to pay every month. I have become quite good at the above mentioned practices. I acquired a 55 gallon fish tank and stand for free the other day to put the coveted turtle in, come October when Eden turns 6. We had to clean it and fix it up but it's alot better than paying $400 for a tank and stand made in China from Petco. By using a little ingenuity, I am able to help Jody supplement our income. I go to storage auctions and buy units and sell the contents on Ebay. I've made over $1200 this way so far and I've only been doing it since May. That's over half of our grocery bill each month. More later, Nick beckons.

This is the song that does not end...

Anybody know that song? I feel like that song is about the house we own in Kasson. We have had more deals fall through than I ever thought I could imagine. It's almost mathematically impossible. What in the world? We have had two people try to buy it, innumerable people go through it and say they want to rent it and yet every time we're right on the tip of a deal, the people magically disappear. They don't return phone calls or emails. They just disappear. It's incredible. This week I actually went throught the entire screening process on a couple. They said they wanted to rent it and then save up and buy it. They LOVED it. I had the whole application to the last step. All they had to do was log into their email, fill out an authorization form for me to have a credit check done and send me the security deposit. They disappeared. Can you even believe it? I spent all of this time and money to get them in this house that they loved and then they just randomly stopped returning my phone calls and emails. How hard is it to just reply one time and say "sorry, we found something else" or "sorry, we changed our minds." For the love of Mike!
This past weekend Grandma and Grandpa Barry came to visit. The girls were in heaven and Nick was always ready to put on a show for them. We had a great visit. There was much shopping for school clothes etc... and playing and watching of the Olympics. Overall, the kids didn't want it to end and I don't think their grandparents did either. It always gives me a little pang of guilt that we moved away.
Today I was making dinner and turned around and there was Nick, who I had taken the clothes off of due to a snack mishap and he had a pitcher and was stuffing his diaper in it. I did a double take and realized the little imp had actually taken his diaper off and was busy trying to hide it... or maybe just playing with it but the fact remains, the child removed his diaper and put it in a pitcher in the kitchen cabinet. Does anyone else confess to their toddlers sanitary infractions?
Tonight Eden got the extra long cuddle. Finally after a long silence, she asked me to tell her all about Kindergarten again because she was worried. We've gotten every Kindergarten book the Library has to offer, so maybe I've overdone the preparation. I don't know. I listed off everything I could remember doing in Kindergarten and I just wanted to cry. I don't really know why it's so hard to let your kids grow up or what the hesitation is. They drive us crazy, push us to our limits, use all of our time, money, energy and patience and we just want them to stay little. It's like an oxymoron. Everywhere I go, people watch me puddle my way along and stop me to tell me how badly they miss those days. I'm usually incredulous. What do they miss? Planning your whole day around a nap that may or may not happen? Peeling dried milk off of the car seats? Realizing somebody is missing a shoe and it might have been lost in one of the last four stores you were in? Going to more public restrooms with greater frequency than you ever dreamed of prior to children? Stopping for the free kids cookies at the bakery counter, remembering the time when there was no reason on earth to deny yourself a hazelnut latte? Being so overwhelmed with the logistics of having children that you forget to enjoy their youth more often than not? Ah, those dreamy people at Target don't really miss that stuff, they don't even remember it. They miss the kisses, the "I want you Mommy", the drooly smiles, the belly laughs, the simple love and devotion, the fact that they're needed so deeply and nobody else will do. They miss the funny sayings, the cuddles, the firsts, the lasts... oh man it already feels like it's over. Having that last baby is tough. I guess no matter how many kids you go for, the last one is tough. I'm happy though. I feel blessed beyond words, and purely content with the family God has given me and the home we have to live in. To hell with all of the worries over the house in Kasson. If it never sells, we'll still have everything we could need and we'll still have these great memories to carry us into our old age.
The question of the day. Do I buy a vacuum on Craigslist for $20 that may have seen any amount of abuse or buy the Consumer Reports one for $79? Input please. Mind you, I can't afford either but my fear is buying the one for $20 only to discover it doesn't work and then have to buy either another $20 one or the recommended one at the store. A real quandary.

Haircuts and a morning in the life of ME!!!

Look at my two baby dolls. Are they just the cutest things in the world or what? Well, actually Eden looks more grown up than ever. School starts in three weeks. I can't believe I'm a mom let alone that I have one old enough to go to school.

Life continues to fly along at a dizzying pace. I'm blogging just a single solitary morning for all of the people who have never experienced it or for those who have forgotten. It goes something like this:

Nick screamed at 6AM. I scaled 4 flights of stairs in record time. It's 47 steps from my bed to his bed. I scooped the angry catamount into my arms and decended at a more leisurely pace. We cuddled for about an hour, he nursed, we dozed for about an hour and then we laughed at each other and finally rose from bed a little after 8. I checked my email to find that someone was ready to buy the couch, chair and ottoman that I purchased at a storage auction last week. I called her, she said she'd be by in about an hour. I turned around and all of the cake pans I own had been removed from the kitchen cabinets by all three children. I shrugged and made tea. Everyone wanted a different breakfast. Big suprise. I made tea, spent about 30 minutes on the phone with my sister musing over all of the divorces going on and doing a quick summary of what would fix the world, all with the phone on the charger beside the stove. By that time I'd consumed 2 cups and felt ready to attack the library that the kids brought home yesterday. We sat down and read three very nice books, a small dent in the 60 pounds of books now scattered amongst the cake pans. I sneaked downstairs to check my email and found an interesting article from Jody and took just a LITTLE too long reading. Soon, the siren (Kaitlyn) went off in a deafening "MOMMY WAAA MOMMY WAAA" cadence. I bolted up the stairs to get the scoop. Kaitlyn wouldn't share her stroller with Nick, so Eden spanked her. Typical middle child and typical first child. I announced that since they were both being so ridiculous they could wait for tomorrow to read any more books. Eden was crushed. She had picked out a wonderful Valentine's Day book that she was dying to have me read. Yes, odd... much like the rest of the pile. I even spied "Charile Brown's Christmas" in that heap. I will refresh your now muddled mind, yes it really is August. Eden had decided to share her nutrigrain bar with Nick and he had made nice little blackberry sticky spots all over the place... amongst the books and cake pans. I scooped up the now confiscated books and commanded the children to put all of the cake pans away. The clock was ticking. The lady would be here any minute and I needed to get outside and drag all of that furniture out of the trailer and have it ready for viewing. I ran out, drug all of the furniture out and in the process all of my children, still in jommies came trailing out front. I'm pretty sure we're considered the neighborhood hillbillies, with my peculiar storage auction finds getting scatterd on the lawn and the children running around half dressed and barefoot. The lady pulled up in her Lexus SUV and thought the furniture was perfect for her daughter in College and paid me on the spot. Whew, sigh of relief. They left and I cranked up everything a notch. I ran out back and picked up dog poop. I told Kait she only had to change her pants three times to no avail. Got Nick changed and dressed, discovered a foul odor coming from under my arms after jockeying all of that furniture around, and hollered "everyone put on shoes" at least thirty times. I changed shirts, reapplied my pathetic deodorant that I'm not allergic to, and found Eden had actually put on her shoes and brushed her hair!!! Score! Five year olds are great! I ran upstairs, got Kait some pants, ran all the way downstairs and got her flip flops, buckled Nick in his carseat and realized I desperately needed to pee. I ran in, took care of that, got back out to the car with the brush in hand and told Kait to brush all the way there, and off we went. We got to the Humane Society just fine, ran in to get a refund on the Rabies Voucher that the vet had not accepted and was told that Jody had to do it because he paid with his credit card, or they could mail me a check in a few days. The kids had to see the entire facility and speculate on the origins of every dog, cat and rabbit with Nick just doing that adorable audible breathing because he was so excited. We got out of there, drove across the street and hopped on golf cart for a tour of a storage facility. It was a sealed bid auction so the kind lady took us to door number one. An old beat up table, boxes and boxes of what looked like craft supplies and two cat carriers... nah. Door number two! More trash than anyone could imagine what to do with and more old beat up tools thant I could ever store... Nah. The kids love these places and they love seeing what's inside. It's hilarious. Door number three... hmmm.... interesting. A prelit chistmas tree, a computer box... what if there's a nice computer in there? An oil lamp, rolling pin and maybe lots of kitchen gadgetry... a nice velux blanket... hmmm, might not make any money but it's clean and interesting. We put in a $22 bid and the kids didn't want to leave. The lady mistakenly told them they're welcome to come over for golf cart rides any time. "What?" One more thing for them to harrass me to death about. We ran to the bank with everyone voiciferously complaining about me not using the lane where you get suckers and deposited a couple of checks. I called Jody, made sure he had called the lady that was going to buy a sling today and then came home and made the strangest hodgepodge lunch you have ever seen. Partially to blame was the fact that my lettuce was completely frozen. I looked at the settings on the fridge and turned to Eden to ask who had turned all of them to HIGH? Her hand went to her mouth and her bottom lip stuck out in that singular look that says, "oh no, what did I break now?" "I did" she mumbled. I didn't get mad, just told her how great it would be if she would just ask me what stuff does.

Nick is now napping, the girls have turned the dining room into a tent and succumbed to the tv. That's my morning. Someday I'll blog an afternoon.

My Childhood:

When I try to remember as far as I can… the first person I see is always my Dad. I see his big silly grin, singing songs, bouncing me on his knee and giving me a shoulder ride. He’d let me hang on his back pockets while he walked around pretending I was his shadow. In a flash, I can see his face turn purple and something go flying across the yard because somebody pushed his hot button. What I loved was how well he expressed his true emotions. If he thought I was a cry baby he told me so. If he thought I was the smartest kid he ever knew, he told everybody. He loved to talk history and pick peoples brains, making them wonder why they believed whatever they did. He’d push them until they admitted they only believed what they did because they’d been told to. I watched him change the course of many lives and turn people from vague wishy washy liberals to die hard conservatives. Not because he was more convincing than the propaganda they’d been fed their whole lives but because he taught them to really think and question the unquestionable. It’s funny to look back on because what was a routine line of questioning that I was bored sick with would still strike a new person with the same force as the last. It seemed so elementary to me, so redundant and boring but Dad always took the opportunities given. I could see his sales pitch face come on, he would glow with a canny light and lean into the conversation. He would hold a fist on the worn cherry dining table in our kitchen and draw my helpless friends into a world of truth that they’d never visited. I could always see it when the final blow was coming. His fist would bounce off of the table with his thumb thrust out and the mesmerized captive would nod with a dawning light in their eyes. I liked to pop in for the finale but really over the years, the process was lost on me… or so I thought. As I grew up, I found myself baiting people almost constantly to see if they could trounce me in a verbal debate. I soon discovered that Dad had been very smart to spend his arguments on young teenagers. Once you got past that age group, people were invariably set in their ways. What I always did envy was his ability to stay calm in a debate. I still to this day, find myself with a red face and sweat dripping down my ribs even if I have the upper hand.
Life Lessons
It was a proud day. I’d gotten up with Dad, headed down to the biggest hay barn in the world and we were loading hay in our GMC. Dad got ready to climb up on the hay and throw down bales to me for me to drag to wherever they needed to be placed. He usually tossed the bales with precision and they naturally fell right where he wanted them. As I look back now, I know he tossed this bale straight to me because he knew I could pick it up and it would make me feel tough but I hadn’t anticipated it and the bale landed at my feet, knocking my knees and landing on my lap in unison with my butt hitting the truckbed. Of course, I didn’t feel tough so I decided to cry and have Dad come save me. I started to wind up the siren and Dad just burst out laughing. He couldn’t stop. He bent over and caught his breath and said “Boogle, that bale is smaller than you are if it’s even possible. It’s a perfect sized Betsy bale. You can do anything you want to with it.” I pretended to struggle under the weight and he leaned back and smiled. He wasn’t buying it. I decided to save face, so with heroic strength I launched the bale off of me, stumbled to my feet and heaved the little puff ball up on to the higher bales. He heaped on the praise and talked about how strong I was for such a little girl and I felt my chest expand and decided I’d be the best hay hand he’d ever have someday. I learned I didn’t need help as much as I asked for it and sometimes people just weren’t going to fall for my tricks.
Special Moments
It was a mid December day, uncommonly warm and very pretty. I sat in the little white S10 truck on my way to Beebee, Arkansas with Dad. We sang with strength our usual repertoire of Hank Williams, Baptist Hymns, Irish Ballads and random songs he just knew. We stopped at a little station and picked up our usual drinks and a king size Mounds Bar to share. It was going to be a perfect day. We arrived at a house and a man came out front with a smile. “I see you brought your helper.” It was always the same, everyone called me Dad’s helper and I always tried to live up to the title. I fetched tools when he was stuck in a crawl space either fixing a water softener or installing it. I tried to mind my manners and not ask for food even though everything I saw in other peoples houses looked incredibly appetizing. On this occasion, I was stopped at the front porch and never lifted a finger to help Dad. I have no recollection of the inside of the gentlemans house or his interesting array of food. There were 5 little kittens in a rainbow of colors. I couldn’t believe that every kitten was a different color, and most of all, I couldn’t believe the white one. The white one had the softest white fur with a dusting of gold across her head down her back and darkening at her tail to almost orange. She had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen on a cat and a captivating personality. I tried to be fair to all of the other kittens but I was smitten. When it was time to leave the kind man asked if I’d like to take one. I gave Dad a hopeless pleading look and to my complete and utter shock, he said yes. Dad hated cats. I was stricken dumb but not motionless. I scooped up the white kitten and wrapped my arms around Dad in the biggest hug I could muster. On the drive home, I decided to name her Lacey. She was huddled under the seat the whole way, but I chattered about her nonstop. Dad asked how I knew it was a girl and I told him that she had to be because she was so beautiful. He told me she could be my Christmas present. I was so happy I could barely stand it. When we got home Ginny and Louis had been trying to create a Christmas tree. Louis had cut down a Pine tree and tied branches with yarn to make it look full in all of the bare spots. We brought in the kitten and she was obsessed with the tree, the ornaments and the lights. She couldn’t leave it alone. It was a special day in my life I’ll never forget. It was a time someone gave me a Christmas present that was a true sacrifice. He gave it to me because he knew I would love it despite the fact that he could not stand cats.

Serenity Now!

Night before last Jody told me he'd have to take his bike to the bus stop because his car needed either a new alternator or a new battery. Nick kept me up all night, throwing up, coughing and thrashing. The next morning, I loaded the kids up. drove around the corner and picked up some patio furniture that a lady sold me for only $60. If I had known then what I know now, I would have saved the $60. We brought it home, the girls helped carry cushions and we got it all set up on the deck. A little bit later, Kaitlyn started vomiting. I wandered out back at one point to enjoy my furniture and realized my dogs were gone. I ran around the side and found that I had not properly shut the gate. I ran out front and a neighborhood lady said she'd seen them running around about an hour and a half before. I ran back inside and called the Humane Society while visiting their website. Yup, they had my dogs but I would ummm have to ummm pay ummm. I have no idea why she said long ummms in between everything but it was driving me insane. Long and short, a $55 fee per dog for picking them up, $20 per dog because I was behind on their rabies vaccines and $20 more per dog because they didn't have City Liscenses yet. I burst into tears and they offered to let me just pay one $55 fee and all the rest. I took the deal but if Eden didn't love them, I would have said for them to just keep the varmits. During the course of the conversation they found many opportunities to lecture me. For one, Kearney has buttons in her ear to help with her aural hematoma and the lady thought I'd done it as a cruel joke to my dog. Then she called my vet to verifiy my story and found out that Kearney is DUE to have the buttons removed and I needed to get over there right away. She also saw fit to point out that if I had gotten their liscenses, they'd have come home, not gone to the Humane Society. Ra Ra Ra! I got off of the phone with the Humane Society just crying over my stupidity and feeling like a failure as a dog owner and turned to look at my three darling children but instead of studying their adorable faces, my eyes fell on Eden's brand new glasses, just 24 hours old, sitting on the couch at an odd angle beside Nick. I walked over, picked them up, and started chanting "I will not cry, I will not cry." They were broken. I pulled out the laptop to look at my bank account since I had to buy my dogs back and new glasses and Nick came over beside me and stuck his little finger under the control key and flipped it off of the computer. I was feeling numb. I smacked his leg and forcibly moved him away but then it was time to go get Jody at the bus stop. Kaitlyn had now thrown up three times and while I wasn't looking, Eden had given her a glass of orange juice. She was looking pretty green, so I loaded her up with a bucket and set off down the road. We made it about a mile and a half when she started throwing up again so we pulled over, got the oj taken care of and went and got Jody. When we got home he took his car completey apart and went to the car store. They affirmed that the alternator was bad and it would be $180. When he got home, I voluntarily went to the store and bought him a 12 pack of beer just because he'd been so damn good to me about the most terrible day I've had in ages, besides, what's another $15?

Let me tell you a story...

I tell ya, nothing teaches me compassion and understanding for other people like a few hard knocks. We almost had the house sold, moved into another rental in a better neighborhood and then the first day I got mail at the new house there was a letter in the box. Inside the envelope was a notice that the buyer on our house had had their earnest money check bounce. I felt no suprise, just concern. It was as though I knew this was going to happen all along. I feel like we're supposed to feel this economic crisis in a very real way and that all of the bad stuff we hear about, is just not going to pass us by. I called the realtor, she told me not to worry. Funny, I wasn't worried, I just knew the whole gig was shot. Ya know? I just knew those people couldn't afford a house and they were living in a dream. I know when people can buy houses. We've bought our share. I know when you need to rent... we've rented our share. Long and short, I am relieved that we didn't dump the responsibility of owning that house on someone that couldn't handle it. We can and we will, we will rent it out and we will rent here and we will prioritize things correctly. That is all good for all of our neighbors in Kasson. So, now to find the right renter. It would be stressful if I hadn't gone through this purification process in the last few months. I feel completely calm. As a matter of fact, I have finally put what I know into action. I have confidence in God's plan for my family. His promise that he has a plan for welfare and not calamity, that we may have a future and a hope is very real and almost exciting to me.
So, we moved across town. Jody has 20 minutes less drive time each day. The neighborhood feels twice as safe. The house is 20 years younger. The carpet is new. The square footage is 500 feet bigger. I saved the best for last.... we went from one bathroom to 2 1/2. Very happy situation. The girls have a purple bedroom and Nick has a red one. All of their room decor matches the walls perfectly. Kinda neat. Kind of like God really cares about the little things and provides some little blessings we hadn't even thought of asking for.
I took Eden to her first eye exam today. Jody and I have poor vision and I have an astigmatism. So does Eden. She's also far sighted, so she only has to wear the glasses when she's working on things up close. She ordered purple Hannah Montana glasses. They were three times as expensive as the ones on sale but I just didn't care. When I was a little girl, my mom let me pick whichever glasses I wanted even though she was broke and by golly I'm doing the same. Not because I think she should have whatever she wants whether I can afford it or not, but because I'd rather spend what little money I have on the glasses than a couple of unnecessary trips to McDonalds or WalMart.
Finally, a cute story. In the car today Eden said to me "Mom, when I'm a rockstar, I'm going to sing lots of songs, more than all of the other rockstars." I nodded sagely in the mirror. Kaitlyn piped up in her usual half yelling strident voice, "Like Muffin Man?" Eden looked at her quizzically so Kait proceeded to start singing Muffin Man. Eden's lip curled in derision and finally a placatory expresson covered her face. "No Kait, that's a little kid song, I'm going to sing grown up songs." Kait digested this comment and then covered the situation with a very superior expression and just said "well I'm going to be a Mommy when I grow up." Eden's knowing voice became tinged with impatience as she said " Kait! You can be a mommy and a rockstar. Sarah McLachlan is both!"

I'm still here!

I'm an infrequent blogger at best but I am here!
I had a string of company as long as the toilet paper that Nick likes to unroll.
First Gin came at the end of May and stayed until June 19th. It was a wonderful adventure and I have so many wonderful memories to treasure from their visit until the next one. Eden was properly versed in all things Fairy, by Abby, who is the expert. She taught Eden how to make a fairy letter and told her about dew drops (which is fairy rain) and that if you put a small twig through a leaf you can make a fairy bed. I think they had a wonderful time and Abby even scaled the tree in the back yard and had a nice long chat with our very lonely neighbor who's husband just passed away. Ethan entertained Kait and gave her many lessons in playing games completely foreign to a 3 year old girl with only a big sister for a role model. I really loved listening to them play together. Kaitlyn would very assertively and conspiratiorally tell Ethan that they did this and not that and he would agree very vehemnently. It was so cute. Ethan left all of his shoes here when they left.... they were under the computer desk where he spent hours playing webkins and teaching Eden and Kait all about it. I have to say, for living in this tiny little house, we did quite well with 5 kids and 3 and then 4 adults all under one roof. For the last week Brad came and put the moto on. We had to go go go!!! I won't even relive the horrific expereince Brad and I suffered at the storage auction, let's just say they got the better of us and lightened our wallets significantly. Terrible and hysterical experience.
Then Mom and Dad came. Kait was sick when they got here, then Nick got sick, then Nick got better and they left the next day. Well, the last day we all had together was great. Mom and Eden and Kait and Nick went to the mall together and Dad and I got to bum around like the old days and have lunch together. The only thing missing was a king sized Mounds candybar. I am so glad we took that time together. When I visited them last spring I was able to spend alot of time with Mom but not Dad, so it was a nice treat. Mom said she had a ton of fun with the kids. They even took a short tour of the countryside and visited the neighboring town of Erie. Well, she actually got lost and I just have to throw that in because I was so gleeful that someone besides me got lost.
The morning they left I purchased a storage unit 10X15 for $25. It was completely full of steel shelving from a Sally Beauty Supply. I won't go into graphic detail but Jody became responsible for seeing to it that all of that shelving was transported to... yes... the garage... he's not happy and I am highly motivated to find a buyer for all of it.
To top it all off, we have a contract on the house in Kasson. We're selling it for a loss and have decided to rent to save up for a downpayment on a new house sometime in the next year or two. Well, this little place we've been living in, is on the wrong side of town, wrong side of the trax and the landlord is the greediest freak ever. So, we found a charming place on the right side of town, right side of the trax and with a landlord that seems to be from heaven. Even better, we're going from a tiny single bathroom to two and a half and one even has a jetted tub! All for just an extra $80 a month. Oh and the new place has raspberry bushes! But we don't have to pay the water bill, so it might just be less than that!
Long and short, life is good. Jody forgives my wild shenanigans and we are living the dream. Now that everyone has prayed for us this last six months I've decided to turn over a new leaf and stop being so self absorbed and start to pray for all of you.

Going Green?

Nick is! Tomorrow is his 1st birthday so get ready for a slew of Nick pics! Apparently if you let him sit in the middle of the dining table and eat out of the serving dishes he'll eat real food just fine!

My heart is heavy

I come from a long line of dramatic and passionate people. So, it should suprise nobody for me to announce that the house in Kasson continues to haunt me in a ridiculous way. The only message I get from God is "Be still and know that I am God." That's all and it just can't quite penetrate. I say it to myself and I feel calm. The very next instant I am trying to figure out what in the world we're going to do. Jody and I have reminded each other that we have everything that is important. My dad has reminded me that in the face of the most dire circumstances, he and my mother fended off bankruptcy with only enough money in their pockets to buy a lemon at the grocery store. For seven long years they struggled their way out of trouble. He reminded me that "Herberts don't do Bankrupcy." He even told me something I'd never known. Even the banker that liked them, recommended that they let Culligan go into bankruptcy. It bolstered my battered heart and I rose to the challenge. I know our situation is not so terrible. I know that people face much harder things than this without giving up and I acknowledge that my parents are some of those people. It makes me proud and it makes me want my children to be proud of me someday. Do I want a despairful story of failing to repay my debts to tell my children someday or do I want to say "Allen's don't do foreclosure." I don't know how long this temporary situation will last, but I know He won't give us a burden we can't bear. I've literally felt the joy drain from my life. Without my amazing children, how would I praise God each day? I ask and the very first person to come to mind is Job. How did he do it? My problems are small, but I just can't conquer them. Why am I so sad? I feel that my husband does an amazing job providing for us, my children are brilliant, the love our family possesses is beyond a dream to me. I can tangibly feel Gods love for me more now than I ever have in my life, yet this sadness is upon me, it feels like I've given up. I keep trying to rise above it, I remind myself of truths continually, I hug, kiss, love and devote myself to my family but still it remains. It's as though I feel that I'm the one who failed. I talked Jody into moving to Minnesota. I didn't stand up for the fact that I knew we shouldn't buy that house. I didn't manage the household to the best of my ability to save money. I selfishly didn't get a part time job when Kait was weaned. The list goes on and on. No matter what, it's still there yelling at me, telling me everything I did wrong that drove us to this point. I guess this is what it feels like to lose hope about something.

A letter from my little soldier. He's twenty-one. I guess he's not so little.

Ladies and gentlemen,I am writing this in Iraq, where the heat waves dance through the air like fumes from a gas station after a tanker has just filled it. I write this for a few reasons.1. Because I will not be ashamed about my emotions, and I will not act as though I am not a human being and these feelings dont exist.2. Because I have heard a lot of people thank me for my sacrifices but they have no idea what those sacrifices are.3. Because I am afraid that there is something of a writer in me that cant not write things like this.4. Because I want the entire world to know what sort of man I am, and how I feel about this.5. Because I wont there to be not a shadow of a doubt in any ones mind how I feel and what my intentions are.This is one of a few stories I have written based on personal experience. This one is different however. There are no exaggerations. This is a piece of my heart that struggled and fought its way out of my fingers and into black and white. This is the sort of thing I struggle with every day and I cant bottle it up and I cant just let it out and so here I am releasing it.This is the story of a soldiers love. Straight from the source. This is me. If any of this might offend you, or if you cant handle my being open honest and blunt then delete this right now. I am not going to say anything that I think anyone will mind, but... you never know. Well, here goes. It was hot. At least 123 degrees farenheit. The humidity of the water being evaporated out of the canals all around the outer perimeter wall. Sweat rolled down my back in rivulets. My uniform was soaked, and my feet squished in my boots when I moved.I stood up on top of the truck and glanced over the wall. The desert was still and quiet. The fig palms and reeds drooped, as though weighted. Not a single blade or leaf stirred. The animals seemed to have disappeared into the ground to hide from the oppressive heat. As I looked I took my sunglasses of to wipe away the sweat, and froze. The sweat that had collected in the shade of my eyewear chilled instantly. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I turned slowly in a small circle my nose sniffing for the telltale hint of dust.As I turned I saw what I was looking for. The cloud was rolling towards us at an amazing speed. We had about 15 seconds. I jumped down and ran around the truck, screaming as I ran. "WALL!!! WALL!!! THERE'S A BIG WALL COMING!!!"I waved the get down signal to the people that heard but couldn't understand. as I ducked around the truck and dropped to the ground the wall hit us. The cloud of dust hurdled along driven by a wind that can only be described as slightly less uncomfortable than the seventh circle of hell. The putrid stench of rotted vegetation, dead bodies, and excrement smashed into me an instant before my nostrils were clogged with dust. Small pebbles pinged off of the trucks and ricocheted off of my back. Grains of sand tore at exposed flesh, making a layer of red mud all over. The wind instead of bringing some relief to the wretched heat was scalding hot.As I cowered there assailed by tiny rocks, dirt, and anything else the wind found to throw at me, my mind wandered backwards in time. Leaving my body there to be abused. I went back to my home. I was sitting in my mothers computer chair, with my feet propped up on a step. She was laughing and talking and I was quite engaged when she stopped and looked me dead in the eyes. She tilted her head looked at me in a very motherly way and asked me something that blanked my mind. "Do you love Hannah Mae?""I beg your pardon?" I replied in shock."Well I know you like her and she is really beautiful, and we all love her to death but do you really love her or are you just doing this because you think she is the best choice? I mean she is funny, smart, good with children, and drop dead gorgeous, but are you just doing it for all of that or do you really love her? Do you get butterflies in your stomach?""No" I said quietly. Her face seemed to fall and her shoulders droop a little. I smiled a little "I get goosebumps." She relaxed and smiled back. The memory faded to the back of my consciousness as a particularly fast moving rock hit me just behind the ear. I listened to the wind whistling through the armor in the truck, and thought back. Once again I thought about home. I was standing on the pavement next to my cousins truck. As I stood I held a girl in my arms. As I held her, she cried. As she cried my heart ached in my chest.A deep throbbing pain in my chest. In my few short years I have never felt anything nearly as dreadful as this.She cried because I was going away and I might not come back. She cried because the person who held her was going back to a place that made tough men cry and soft men dead. She cried because in the coming months she would not have me there to cry on when things went wrong. She cried for the time she would be spending alone.I don't know why but when I see a girl cry it moves something deep in me. I do not like it and I try to avoid it at all costs. If I were Achilles my weakness would not be my heel... It would be the tears of an innocent girl. Her crying made me break on the inside. It shook parts of my innermost being that I had sealed off from humanity lest I be dealt a crippling blow. It tore holes in my heart and lit my skin on fire to see her tears fall and know that I had caused it and know that I could do nothing about it.When I had finally said my goodbyes and left I drove stone faced as I had been all day. As I drove I thought about all the time that I had spent alone. I have always had friends, and I have always had my family, but there was a part of me that has always yearned for the love that I saw in my parents faces when they looked at each other. I thought about all the times I had cried out to god to save me from my self, to send me a companion that I could love and trust. I know that some say that god can fill the emptiness in our lives. I agree. However in the garden of eden he gave man a companion. If god gave man a companion then I am sure that god did not mean for us to feel so lonely.I drove and drove as all kinds of memories of being alone filtered through my mind. I remembered all of the times that I knew that the next day would not be a good day because I would not be sharing it with someone. I remembered all the times that I woke in the night from a terrible dream and there was no one to trn to. I remembered all the times I had fallen asleep with a damp spot on my pillow from silent tears of agony.As I drove those silent tears returned, and I cried. I cried silently, and straight faced because I have cried in those great agonized sobs, and I never want to feel that pain again. Yet there I sat in that truck in the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. There was a great gapeing hole in my chest where my heart should have been. I sat and drove in silence listening to the sound of the tires on the road and ignoreing the large damp spot on the front of my shirt.I know any one would say that it wasn't like I was going away and not coming back. They would say that I was being ridiculous because it would only be a few months. Those people are not soldiers. When you leave someone for good you know that you are leaving and it is permanent. When you leave someone temporarily you know that it is only temporary. But when you are going back to active combat... You have no idea what will happen. You also have no idea if you will come back alive or dead. You don't know if you will be mangled or still in good form. You don't know if you will come back, or god forbid be captured. All you know is that you will be somewhere that you cant see, touch, smell or feel the person that you want to the most.Perhaps I am weak, or soft for crying. Perhaps I am not a very tough man. I will say this, after that day I was a broken man. Broken in that I was no longer invulnerable. I now had a chink in my armor. I now had a reason not to be the guy that jumps on a grenade to save his friends. I now had a reason to not be wild and reckless. I now had a reason to be more cautious and scared.My brother used to say that before I was born I was given an extra helping of stupid because they had run out of scared. Truth be told I have always been able to do things that scared other people. I cannot ever remember a time in my life that I was truly afraid of death. The thing that has always scared me was my lack of fear. I have done things and afterwards looked at what I did and been scared spitless that next time I would do something that killed me because I wasn't scared when I should be. But now I had something to fear.I had to fear sending a casket back to a girl who deserved everything I had to give. A sweet innocent beautiful girl who did not deserve to have her heart broken in such a manner. Even though I know she never would I had to fear that she would not want me if I became disfigured. I can honestly say that I know that I would not ever do that, however I couldn't blame her if she did.I was no longer my own man. I was no longer the lone wolf. Now I belong to someone. Now I have someone to protect nurture and love.And what had always been my greatest strength was now my greatest weakness.I had never been afraid and so I had always succeeded, even though I was afraid of my own lack of fear. Now my fear of my own nature made me cautious and careful and worried where I had always been confidant and bold. Now instead of a man with no ties and therefore nothing to loose had something. Besides what good would heaven do me without my angel beside me? The wind had started to die down by the time I completed this train of thought. Inside another 2 minutes the sun was out and everything was just as still as it had been before, except it had six inches of hot dust sand and rocks on top of it. We started to move around shaking sand and dust out of our clothes. Blowing good sized mud clods from our noses. Wipeing the mud formed by our sweat and the dust from around our eyes. As I stood there and looked at the chaos caused in just a few minutes by a relatively small dust storm. I hid my face so that the would not see the tears streaking the mud. I stood there and prayed to the almighty god of heaven and earth to protect me, so that I could do one thing.I just wanted the chance to come home and show her and the rest of the world that I loved her. Some of you may not think that this is sad. Some of you may think I am overdramatic. Just so you know I do this every day. So when you go wherever it is you go for the day, smile and hug a loved one. Tell them you love them. Hug them. Let you know how you feel, and don't be shy.Because somewhere out there is a soldiers girl who wont get hugged tonight. Somewhere out there is a sailors baby taking his first steps without his father there to pat him on the head. Somewhere out there a Marines daughter will wake screaming from a horrid nightmare only to find that daddy wont come no matter how much she cries. Somewhere out there is an Airman's best friend who wont have someone to talk to about his troubles. If all of you did something nice for someone, then those poor souls will have an easier time waiting for their men to come home.This is how it is from the perspective of the soldier. This is the story of one of those guys that didn't say much or show any expression. This is what it is like for the man who leaves the only thing in life that is truly more precious to him than anything else. No matter how straight faced they are. No matter how sharp and clean they look. No matter how crisply they walk away from you, just remember. We have been trained to do that without thinking, so that we do not show our broken hearts.To anyone who got this from me and a few who didn't because I did not have their addresses... I love you.And to any of you that see or talk to Hannah. You tell her that I said I loved her and missed her.God bless all of you, and cheer up a little.Tomorrow is going to be a better day.Daniel L. Herbert

Bittersweet

We had this little hope that our house would sell and it was stolen before we got used to thinking it. The silver lining is that we had already talked ourselves into taking the slow and steady path of waiting to buy a house until next spring. So, we continue to hope, wait and pray that we can somehow keep making the house payments on "the millstone" as we have named it.
Eden will be starting Kindergarten in August. Is it here already? I look at her and remember looking at that tiny little 6 pound baby wondering what her personality would be like, what color her hair would be, how much her eye color would change, what her favorite color would be, what she would love and hate. Well, now I know alot of it and it's just as interesting as I thought it would be. She's a lover. I have to say, I know I'm too hard on her half the time and probably don't tell her how wonderful of a person she is the other half.
Umm... gotta tattle on the husband. Nick will be having a little outpatient surgery later this summer so JODY comes up with the brilliant idea that he should get the big V at the same time so they can be laid up together. I just looked at the man in utter disbelief. I mean, can you imagine me caring for TWO invalids with the girls running around in circles either begging for or refusing baths and begging for chocolate when they aren't stealing it or having a pee pee accident? I mean... come on! That's not even saying I agree with that whole proceedure. I've read the details of that surgery and it sounds VERY unhealthy long term. Anyway, hope someone gets a laugh out of Jody's totally classic man idea. Now maybe he won't notice my new post on the blog! LOL!

Mother's Day

I will say, that my family loves me very much and they really do shine on Mother's Day. I'm thankful for the life we have, the freedom, the small pleasures and the comfort but most of all for the people that surround me every day. They are my most favorite people in the world, so with true mother pride I have to share a couple of pictures from my Mother's Day. I hope they bring smiles to your faces and warm memories of other Mother's Day's to your hearts. The images are clickable so you can see more detail. I have more of the coffee shop the girls set up this morning but I'll have to do another post for that. Jody went to Ziggi's Coffee Shop and brought me home a latte. I purchased it from the girls in their coffe shop over and over and over.

Back from Iraq...

I've been meaning to post about Daniel's visit. He came back to the states from Iraq on leave for three weeks. During that time, he visited everyone in the family except Louis. Poor Louis. He spent the majority of his time, interestingly in Nebraska, where he proposed to a gorgeous blonde that looks just like Drew Barrymore. She accepted his proposal and is now wearing a killer vintage ring and planning a March wedding. They seem very happy, giddy etc... together and the girls were completely starstruck by all of the pda... I guess Jody and I should kiss more so it's not such a novelty.

I got some pretty good pictures of them in Boulder Canyon.

Kaitlyn from then til now.

I'm copy catting Knelly.

Back from Tibet

What am I supposed to do? Use those plain old titles like "Kaitlyn's Birthday"? Nah. Anyway, I'm a terrible blogger. I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore but it's nice to have it all here just for myself. I've always wished I could start journaling and this is a very nice substitute.
Kaitlyn turned three on Friday. Her grandparents Maureen and Jerry and her Uncle Jeff came for the weekend and we had a great visit. Her chirpy little voice and her swinging blonde hair make her the belle of the ball without even trying. She spent most of her time parenting people. It was typical. She took care of Grammy with amazing selflessness and even declared it was actually Grammys (her daughters) birthday and pretended to give her presents. I love watching Kait with her extended family. When she was a baby nobody was quite convinced she would ever want anyone but either me or Jody and now she just oozes love to the world. She spins these imaginary settings for us, dictating what we must say and do and we can't help but comply just to see her dimpled smile. She refuses to wear matching clothes and since she's not my first child I can see the beauty of her wardrobe choices. She turns on the tears and I find myself agreeing to almost anything, not because I don't want her to cry but because she does this little trembly thing with her voice and chin that nobody with a heart can deny.
We had a backyard party with the trampoline and a playhouse that Jody and Jeff spent at least 8 hours assembling. Their friends Berkeley and Canyon came to the party and played away the day with them. They are great friends and we had a great party but I couldn't help but miss the friends we've celebrated birthdays with in Minnesota, knowing we probably won't ever again. I wasted some time wishing I could create my own magical little neighborhood, composed of our greatest friends and family. Tis not to be, we shall have to make our lives happy and be content with what we have. Perhaps there's more suprises around the corner that we can't even imagine. ;-)
When the family left the last night, Eden was exhausted and emotional. You can wish all you want, but those moments when you see a little piece break off of your childs and their grandparents hearts because of choices you had to make will follow you like a dark cloud. I try not to dwell on how much my choices affect other people because I can't do anything about it but it doesn't erase the knowledge and helplessness that creeps up in moments like those. We took advantage of that night to say a special prayer thanking God for the amazing grandparents our children have all around. We're blessed so much and fail to tell those wonderful people how much they mean to us all too much. God knows how much they add to our lives.
Yesterday was the re-coup day. We went to a big park called Golden Ponds or something like that. It's a series of ponds/lakes with walking trails all around. We spent over an hour, I pushed the double stroller and Eden rode her bike. It was magical and wonderful but in my usual horrid way I ended it badly yelling at Eden for riding her bike way too far away from me and griping like an old hag. What was supposed to be a wonderful morning ended on a sour note and it was all my fault as usual. I'm sure if I had an assistant handy to smack me really hard when I start those tantrums I'd be cured fairly quickly, as it is I keep making the same parenting mistakes and beating myself up for it afterwards.
I'll be posting pictures of Kaitlyn within a couple of days. Today Nick has a virus and has had a fever and vomiting for about 12 hours so far. I'm hopeful that at least the fever is over because he's been napping for over an hour without a peep.
We're still praying for someone to buy our house in Kasson.

Hello

Well, we've had a nice week.
Two days ago Kaitlyn read one of the Winnie the Pooh books to me. She turned the page and looked at a picture of Pooh pulling a pot of honey off of his shelf and said "and he went to the cabinet and got a beer." Is it just me or is that just freakin funny? We aren't huge drinkers so I felt that it was appropriate for me to point out that pooh is just a little bear and he doesn't drink beer. Man, I told the story to Gin and we laughed our heads off together. Then Kait pipes up with "you guys stop talkin about that!"
Yesterday I was getting in the car with the kids and idly thought that my purse was feeling too heavy. I opened it up and saw a plastic egg inside. I picked the egg up and it was inordinately heavy. I opened the egg and found... you guessed it... no you didn't... a real honest to goodness boiled and dyed egg. I was puzzled but in too much of a hurry to do anything more than toss it in the dumpster. I recounted the story to Gin telling her I had no idea how it had gotten there and heard Eden snicker and say she knew. I pushed the phone aside and stared at her askance and she said "you did it." "ME?" I asked in disbelief. "Yes, on Easter I had it for the minister at church and you said "let me just put it in my purse and then we forgot it!" It was 100% true. That is exactly what happened though I want it known that I had NO idea that she had planned to present the minister with a hard boiled egg. A minister we had never even met.
Today life took a much more serious turn. Jody's grandmother passed away this afternoon. Jody called to tell me that she was near the end around noon so I told the kids that it looked like GG was going to die soon. Around 1:00 Eden had a complete breakdown crying that she didn't want GG to die. I comforted her and told her all about the fringe benefits of heaven. Kaitlyn tried to call Jody to tell him Eden was crying but he wasn't by his phone. Eden calmed down and I called my mom to tell her what was going on. She mentioned that I shouldn't be surprised if Eden knew when she passed. Jody called me around 3 MT to tell me she had died at around 3:00 CT. I feel that Eden could sense her great grandmother's spirit leaving. Eden wasn't technically named after her great grandmother but her name coincidentally so matched her name that in my mind she has become her namesake. Edith May and Eden Shea. She has felt this loss as a first true grief. I have watched her face as she searches me for a clue as to how we are to deal with this fact of life and death. I try to offer her the truth in a peaceful and surrendered way. I told her today that there is a time to live and a time to die and a time for joy and a time for grief. I helped her accept her GG's death by reminding her that in heaven her great grandmother will have full use of her hands again and be able to walk and play her guitar. She found peace in it. Kaitlyn is still two so she was completely content with waiting until she gets to heaven to see GG.
It's been a good week. We studied birds this week and ironically GG loved birds. We discovered that a ridiculous number of states have the mocking bird as a state bird. As many birds as we have living in this country, surely a few states could have been original.