Swirling thoughts

Tonight I can't sleep. Maybe it was the booze at Jody's work Christmas dinner. Maybe my weekend was too beautiful and blessed. Maybe it was because I forgot to take magnesium. No matter the reason here I am to thank my Lord.

When I think about these joys I know that God wants my thanks and praise because he promises beauty for ashes and joy for sorrow. Not so very long ago I was not myself and not joyful. 

Now, I excitedly loaded up six kids and took them to a candy cane festival with determination and joy and excitement. I've waited for this feeling for three years and it's here. In spite of Christmas being the day of my dads death, joy is creeping in and redemption is mine. Jody and I actually went Christmas shopping together today and I'm not sure we ever have before. I know that seems implausible after all of these years, but it felt foreign and fun and indulgent. We never disagreed on a single item. I like to consider us symbiotic in those moments. We also went to that Christmas thing... as usual he asked me why I said so many slightly embellished embrarrassing things and I held my hands up and confessed that being a big talker puts me in a position of only 85% of what I say being appropriate. I told him I regularly pray that God will give everyone extra grace to pour out on me for the things I say. Then I told him all of the things I shouldn't have said the night before when I had a little girls night out. Which by the way was super fun. I've been feeling pretty strongly that I needed to start a somewhat regular gathering of moms of teens and so I'm working out the kinks. I'm realizing some really awesome things like once you have teens you join the judgement free zone. And I can confess that Kait is my elf on the shelf mover and Hazel is still batting 33% on tooth brushing. We can have spirited debates on homework philosophies just for the fun of discussion and putting thoughts together. Basically, that is everything I could hope for. All of them have boys older than mine so I can get little glimpses into boy stuff and file it away. What challenges me is how to plan something universally appealing and at a time that works for most. That's the real kicker. It's ironic actually. When you have babies and are doing mommy play dates and all of the first time mommies are competing with nursing and cloth diapers and baby wearing and baby sign language, you have plenty of time for large groups to gather and then even hit the park afterwards... But man these teens change everything with energy and schedules and me time which is sad because it's so comfortable and relaxed to be together with mommies now.