I met my chum for dinner the other night.
I admit I was nervous on some level. Not because we hadn't seen each other in nearly twenty years, more because I became a housewife with four kids and she became a high powered business woman. It's scary. Sometimes women get competitive... and sometimes when their lives take different paths... (whisper) they judge or worse yet think they will be judged which is just as miserable. Don't tell the guys I'm labeling girls because they will totally run away with that train. Overwhelming those little nagging fears was a bursting excitement to see my giggle snorting, never ending sleepover five nights in a row, bosom buddy, kindred spirit... wait for it... twin. Yes, she's my twin. I had a lot of friends who had never-ending sleepovers and giggle fests but she's the only one Dad ever called my twin and after the other night... I finally understand why. He was cagey, always making little jokes to himself without anyone realizing it. We shed a little tear for him and it was nice. But that's kind of another story.
Anyway, she selected our wine with ease and gave our pompous waiter a subtle set down just so he knew who knew more about wine which made me snicker and perhaps feel sorry for him. She told me about how God is working in her life and using her career and freedoms and just basically wowed me to death with what a little dynamite she is. I was fascinated and impressed and amazed but not jealous. That was the beauty of our time together. We weren't comparing to see who has it better so far. We were literally talking at warp speed to tell each other all about our lives and drinking it in faster than that amazing cabernet she picked. She asked me at one point in our dreamy fairy tale wine and cheese gab fest if Jody and I have the perfect marriage. Let me just say it stopped me cold and sobered me up in a hurry. Because let me tell you honey, after four kids, 12 years of marriage, cancer, financial duress and moving 7 times... there's nothing perfect to see other than the beauty of those four little faces. We are battle scarred. I thought I might chuckle... then I thought I better not because after all a successful single friend seems to think maybe the stay at home mom who lives in sweat pants, reads goodnight moon by rote, rerolls toilet paper "clouds" (yes for real, that stuff is pricey!), mops up hershey's puddles, coaches kids to puke on their covers so you can just wash it and be done - might "have" something enviable. I realized I can't chuckle it off or play it up for Celly. She looks right into your soul and waits for the truth. I closed my mouth. I squeaked "perfect?" She smiled encouragingly like she'd enjoy a good brag and said "yeah, it looks so perfect on Facebook." Then I stumbled for words. I said, "perfect no... good, solid, forever, stable... yes." Her face fell like she was waiting for bad news. That's when I realized... single people want to know. They really want to know. And the reason they want to know is because they aren't sure if it's worth it. I didn't want to just throw a wet blanket on things and nobody does... A perfect analogy is you want to have a baby so people talk about spit up and newborn liquid poop and sleepless nights like that's the whole story. That's all you hear because deep down... we all want you to have the baby and we know you have enough bravado to decide to soldier through that... If we actually told you what it's like to try to get them through 12 years of school then figure out college without stabbing your hand with an icepick to distract you from the stress... it could be a game changer and then we might get so baby sick that we talk ourselves into having another one and that is freaking hard work... WE KNOW! So we just talk about babies crying at night. By the same token, deep down, the married people for some reason want the single people to get married. So we might try to make it sound like something it isn't or more simple than it really is. Which is not what the single people want. But to describe it to a single person is nigh on to impossible anyway so it's moot. I believe with all of my being that being married to Jody is the best. It's not the only thing I could have done with my life and it's not always happy and it's never really perfect. But it's good, strong, full of love and grace... and yes - worth it. For the single people out there I have only one piece of advice. If you're going to try to handle picking your spouse... all I can say is don't worry about their faults and imperfections, just know your own and find someone with different one's so you truly can be one flesh and you truly can carry each other through the storms, someone worth it like Jody. Besides a perfect spouse would be so ANNOYING!!! My mom's advice is "God knows more people than you, so just let Him handle it."
On the flip side...well gosh... even I think that family looks pretty perfect. LOL!
Anyway, she selected our wine with ease and gave our pompous waiter a subtle set down just so he knew who knew more about wine which made me snicker and perhaps feel sorry for him. She told me about how God is working in her life and using her career and freedoms and just basically wowed me to death with what a little dynamite she is. I was fascinated and impressed and amazed but not jealous. That was the beauty of our time together. We weren't comparing to see who has it better so far. We were literally talking at warp speed to tell each other all about our lives and drinking it in faster than that amazing cabernet she picked. She asked me at one point in our dreamy fairy tale wine and cheese gab fest if Jody and I have the perfect marriage. Let me just say it stopped me cold and sobered me up in a hurry. Because let me tell you honey, after four kids, 12 years of marriage, cancer, financial duress and moving 7 times... there's nothing perfect to see other than the beauty of those four little faces. We are battle scarred. I thought I might chuckle... then I thought I better not because after all a successful single friend seems to think maybe the stay at home mom who lives in sweat pants, reads goodnight moon by rote, rerolls toilet paper "clouds" (yes for real, that stuff is pricey!), mops up hershey's puddles, coaches kids to puke on their covers so you can just wash it and be done - might "have" something enviable. I realized I can't chuckle it off or play it up for Celly. She looks right into your soul and waits for the truth. I closed my mouth. I squeaked "perfect?" She smiled encouragingly like she'd enjoy a good brag and said "yeah, it looks so perfect on Facebook." Then I stumbled for words. I said, "perfect no... good, solid, forever, stable... yes." Her face fell like she was waiting for bad news. That's when I realized... single people want to know. They really want to know. And the reason they want to know is because they aren't sure if it's worth it. I didn't want to just throw a wet blanket on things and nobody does... A perfect analogy is you want to have a baby so people talk about spit up and newborn liquid poop and sleepless nights like that's the whole story. That's all you hear because deep down... we all want you to have the baby and we know you have enough bravado to decide to soldier through that... If we actually told you what it's like to try to get them through 12 years of school then figure out college without stabbing your hand with an icepick to distract you from the stress... it could be a game changer and then we might get so baby sick that we talk ourselves into having another one and that is freaking hard work... WE KNOW! So we just talk about babies crying at night. By the same token, deep down, the married people for some reason want the single people to get married. So we might try to make it sound like something it isn't or more simple than it really is. Which is not what the single people want. But to describe it to a single person is nigh on to impossible anyway so it's moot. I believe with all of my being that being married to Jody is the best. It's not the only thing I could have done with my life and it's not always happy and it's never really perfect. But it's good, strong, full of love and grace... and yes - worth it. For the single people out there I have only one piece of advice. If you're going to try to handle picking your spouse... all I can say is don't worry about their faults and imperfections, just know your own and find someone with different one's so you truly can be one flesh and you truly can carry each other through the storms, someone worth it like Jody. Besides a perfect spouse would be so ANNOYING!!! My mom's advice is "God knows more people than you, so just let Him handle it."
On the flip side...well gosh... even I think that family looks pretty perfect. LOL!
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