The confidant, the genius, the spelling and the giver

I've always felt like Eden was on the other side of a glass. If I was upset my frustration didn't get through. If she had a bad day at school, I could barely tell and above all, I just wasn't her confidant. Her secrets were her own and that was just that. Her life away from me was never related in any detail. I never knew whether she had gone to PE or Science Lab. I never knew who she played with unless I asked. I never knew anything. I remember when her name was drawn from getting a dragon scale and she got to raise the flag with the Principal at school. Her teacher told me. A few months ago I put a chip in that armor when I found out she might have a teeny little crush. She was very secretive but I can be quite the insufferable wart. I did not leave her alone day and night until I pried it out of her but only after promising to never tell any of my friends. After that, the dam broke. She told me a few stories about kids at school. Then this fall we started an 8 week course at our church called Princess Club. Going to this class just the two of us and me allowing her to sit up front with me opened the floodgates. She realized I really could keep a secret, she realized I really was curious about school and friends and what people said and how they treated each other. She realized I really won't tell other mom's stuff unless it's necessary. It's been really neat. I'm grateful for what we are building between us. Maybe it's just in time. Nick started school knowing A,B,C,I,K,O and N. He was a little sketchy at writing his name and completely at sea in the classroom. His teacher was horrified that I would send him to school so blatantly unprepared. I love Mrs. Millane but she has clear feelings on preschool, homeschool and in Nick's case... no school. She repeated several true phrases to me that made me feel pretty horrible like "everything is just completely new to him" and "he's just so much slower than everyone else" It was a blow to my pride. I had done so much preschool with the girls that I felt half guilty and half righteous about letting Nick just play and forget all about letters, numbers and all of that stuff. Hours of hot wheels, nerf guns, super hero action figures and riding his bike. That was it. That's what he wanted to do, so we did it. All of the race car and action figure time left his fingers quite nimble. He can hold a pencil or marker longer than either of his sisters ever dreamed of holding when they were his age. One month into class and he knows all of his upper case and all of his lower case letters. Just to really test him, I wrote b,d,p,q and asked him what they were. He told me. I find it so exciting that I have this proof that I did the right thing by him but I still feel pretty judged by his teacher, as though she is fixing the mess I made of this poor child. I say that on one hand but on the other I know she prays for him and I know her prayer is that he will have a love of learning which has certainly happened. I know that he went to kindergarten pretty young so I feel a rush inside me and I'm happy that he waited to do school stuff until now. His enthusiasm is adorable. Every afternoon he does worksheets, and learning games on the computer and reads books with me and writes. He's completely immersed and having a wonderful time with it. He never asks if he can just quit and go play because somehow it's just time and he likes it. Kait's got spelling issues. She comes by it quite naturally. Her Unky Dunky can't spell to save his life. I'm going to contact special ed and find out exactly what is missing so I can do some specific practicing with her. It's quite strange to see her struggle because she's so brilliant, and verbal and confident in life. I'm sure I just missed something along the way and need to fill in the gaps but it's funny how every little struggle your child faces makes you look at yourself as their mother and wonder what you have done wrong. Being a mom is tougher than I ever could have imagined. Hazel is giving us stuff now. I once said I wasn't sure there was anything cuter than a baby who claps. Oh, there is. It's a baby who gives. She puts it in my hand, then takes it and puts it in Jodys hand then takes it and puts it back in my hand. It might be any little toy but she will do this over and over and smile so happily and proudly at us. I look at each of their faces. They are so special each of them. They are so amazing and wonderful and I pray that I will empower them to be whatever God made them to be, to do whatever God gave them the abilities to do and to love with their whole beings.