Bedazzle

Once upon a time Bart casually offered me a bag full of glittering jewels best known as bedazzle gems. I nonchalantly accepted and brought them home with no purpose. I briefly considered the fact that I was committing a cardinal sin according to "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up." I can't really even remember where I put them for quite awhile. They first resurfaced on Hazels coloring/tea table. Spilling from the taut little sandwich bag and living a meaningless glueless existence for some time there. Then one day without warning their adventures began. Kait had a sleepover with two darling little crazy 6th graders. They were inspired by the glittering gems, perhaps even hypnotized. It's all speculation. Isn't everything we think we know about kids speculation? The little bag made its way to my living room where it was used in a confetti war with great glee. Unfortunately the aftermath was greeted not by the laid back Elizabeth but by the formidable Jody who announced that Kait must return every last gem into the bag or die. Yes, of course I exaggerate. As I came upon the scene of Kait with a giant broom, dustpan and tiny sandwich bag she exploded into tears and threw the broom and dustpan to the ground, sensibly clinging to the depleted bag. I mercifully helped Kait who was delirious with exhaustion and  insensibly ranting about her unfaithful friends hiding in her bedroom from the wrath of Jody instead of helping recapture the sparkling sea. I didn't think about throwing the gems away nor did I think of a purpose for them, I simply allowed Kait to toss them back on the art table for no particular purpose though I did feel a wave of ambivalence. About three days later I found an atrocious concoction in Hazels tea pot in her room. It appeared to be soapy water with yogurt floating on top in a clump (that's what it LOOKED like... we will never actually know.) and . I carried the nasty slog to the sink shrieking at Hazel about the insufferable water messes in the bedroom. I dumped the teapot into the sink with every expectation of finding water and gunk but without the slightest anticipation of finding a bedazzling array of jewels swirling down the drain at an unstoppable speed.

You may wonder what more there could be for me to say. Well, about a week later I was organizing the office and found something on top of the cabinet that gave me pause.

I texted this picture to Bart saying "look what I found, I really should throw them away shouldn't I?" Well I didn't. And a scant ten minutes later I heard the now very familiar sound of all of the gems spilling from the bag. Then muffled giggles. Then the words "tell her it was an accident." 

I did my best to make this yielding to temptation regrettable by forcing them to clean it up. And it took a whole hour. And I would use my lecture voice and say "pouring these jewels everywhere sure was a bad choice wasn't it?" And they would mutter "bad choice, very bad choice." 

To any practical adult my choice was now clear, I must throw these doomed gems away forever but I just couldn't throw them away after all that work. I sheepishly tucked them in the back of a drawer. 

I'm sure you can imagine life for the next few weeks. When I swept I found bedazzle gems. When I looked up there would be Parker playing with bedazzle gems. When I walked across the room my foot would find a bedazzle gem. You would think I'd get mad but it just made me laugh. Then the other day what should appear before my eyes?