I remember trudging down the path behind my house five years ago, a giant baby belly dragging me down into the crusher fine and stabbing my feet like little knives. Everything was hard and felt painful and unfair. Many more mature people in this world, accept their responsibilities with grace and practicality. Not really so much in this heart. I have always kicked up a fuss about unplanned and difficult events. I considered a fourth baby just such in the abstract stage of parenting that we call pregnancy. I remember my mom's quiet and complete understanding, my sister's staunch gung-ho practical support, my friend God-Sib's mildly jealous confidence in the beautiful future before me, my friend Bart's mild dismay and laughing dismissal of my complaints, my friend D's startled yet grounding replies to all of my groanings. They all knew how lucky I really was. And so when this one was born, God poured gushes of love into my heart that spilled over onto her downy head like liquid gold and our hearts were sealed.
So, naturally today I needed my support again, and they knew. It's all about me I guess. As I laid cuddling my sweet girl last night, I tried to keep it light asking her how excited she was for her first day of school. She knew. She smoothed my cheek and said, "but you will have such a fun morning and I'll be home really soon." I said "actually yes I will, I get to have breakfast with some friends." She smiled and asked me where and when I said Huckleberry her reply melted me again "Aw, I love The Huckleberry!" That's my friend. My little chum. My faithful companion and best self esteem booster anyone has ever met. This morning Jody suggested that I was dressing up for breakfast with my friends. Ah. My friends who have seen me birth a child and covered in spit up with my hair sticking out on end and often without deodorant or my teeth brushed.... those friends. Nah, honey you dress up for the one who thinks you are beautiful. The little sparkling child who has told you how beautiful you are since she learned how to talk. The one who is swept away by your beauty every time you wear earrings or eyeliner. Who true to form, glanced up from her cheerios and gazed into my eyes this morning and said "you're so beautiful Mom."
So, naturally today I needed my support again, and they knew. It's all about me I guess. As I laid cuddling my sweet girl last night, I tried to keep it light asking her how excited she was for her first day of school. She knew. She smoothed my cheek and said, "but you will have such a fun morning and I'll be home really soon." I said "actually yes I will, I get to have breakfast with some friends." She smiled and asked me where and when I said Huckleberry her reply melted me again "Aw, I love The Huckleberry!" That's my friend. My little chum. My faithful companion and best self esteem booster anyone has ever met. This morning Jody suggested that I was dressing up for breakfast with my friends. Ah. My friends who have seen me birth a child and covered in spit up with my hair sticking out on end and often without deodorant or my teeth brushed.... those friends. Nah, honey you dress up for the one who thinks you are beautiful. The little sparkling child who has told you how beautiful you are since she learned how to talk. The one who is swept away by your beauty every time you wear earrings or eyeliner. Who true to form, glanced up from her cheerios and gazed into my eyes this morning and said "you're so beautiful Mom."
I gave her a bath, fluffed her golden crown of hair with self made bangs and helped her into her favorite outfit and new sprinkle toe shoes. She looked in the mirror and said "I want a flower in my hair...".
And as she nervously scooted into her class next to her best friend Mya, they clasped hands and walked to their new world.
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