What's that? Did I just go to bed and get up crying again? Oh! So I did!
I'll tell you what though. This Independence Day is so special to a girl like me. There's all these little corporations in America breathing a sigh of relief that they won't have to have innocent red baby blood on their hands because Hobby Lobby fought a fight they could never have afforded against abortion pills. Yes that's right, not contraceptive pills, but abortion pills. Although we have all laid down and allowed ourselves to be forced to include contraceptives as health care, somebody said OK enough when it came to killing babies. So on this splendid 4th of July I stand and give the slow clap to Hobby Lobby. What they did was brave, unpopular in our self serving culture and truly American. I'll tell you, my dad would have called it a sweet Independence Day for sure. He was a patriot and I know that he would have been proud. The semantics of how it won is questionable I agree with Ron Paul but still, freedom of religion holds a light clasp on America and I know why. Because of a heritage of faith.
Hazel pulls my hands from her tangly hair and compellingly leans on my chest and says "just hold me Mommy, I love you." I hold her. A moment later my hands helplessly reach for the snarl on the back of her head and again she says "just hold me Mommy." I love that patience. She's got time to love me around my busy mind.
I see my husband snapping at the kids and think to myself that he's not reaching them for a change in heart. Then in less than a heartbeat one complains about salmon for dinner and I lash out.
My heart wants more. It wants to do right but oh how temptation lies at every corner. Carefully and artfully laid out to draw me away from the voice of the Holy Spirit. I wish when I'd had time that I'd laid my head on the heart of Jesus as a child and young adult. Just let his heartbeat consume me and surrender to Him. He has a perfect way.
I enjoy all my people. Adults. We think we have things so pat. So straight. Our opinions define us. We feel confident in our positions. We argue or we accept. We stand our ground in all things or we consider ourselves open minded. We look inside ourselves to find the capacity to accept all or dwell on how to change all. We take pride in speaking truth or holding our tongues. And always we live by cliches. Like not spanking. Or not yelling. Or not saying stupid stuff online. Or not getting drunk. Or not not not not not not not not not. But what if I said... I'm starting to think none of it matters. What if I said that if your action was guided by self it's spiritually irrelevant? If you bake cookies for someone because you think it's the right thing to do and you weren't guided by love, you just baked nothing and delivered nothing and received nothing and nothing nothing nothing. What if... you were content to pray? Can you imagine finding contentment in prayer? To pray for that person and never take an action until the Holy Spirit prompted you if ever whether to bake them cookies or share a verse or have coffee. This is a developing thought. I have not lived this yet and my examples are too extreme I'm sure. I'm just tired of feeling like a clanging gong. And the more busy I try to be to give my kids experiences or do good things for people the more like a clanging gong I feel. Busy is the death knell of love in my life. When I hear the word busy my heart crashes. And yet it defines us. And we all hope busy is changing hearts and changing lives and doing good and sharing Christ but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be having that effect on the world. No it does not. So I can only conclude, we need to be less busy and more available to the Holy Spirit.
I'll tell you what though. This Independence Day is so special to a girl like me. There's all these little corporations in America breathing a sigh of relief that they won't have to have innocent red baby blood on their hands because Hobby Lobby fought a fight they could never have afforded against abortion pills. Yes that's right, not contraceptive pills, but abortion pills. Although we have all laid down and allowed ourselves to be forced to include contraceptives as health care, somebody said OK enough when it came to killing babies. So on this splendid 4th of July I stand and give the slow clap to Hobby Lobby. What they did was brave, unpopular in our self serving culture and truly American. I'll tell you, my dad would have called it a sweet Independence Day for sure. He was a patriot and I know that he would have been proud. The semantics of how it won is questionable I agree with Ron Paul but still, freedom of religion holds a light clasp on America and I know why. Because of a heritage of faith.
Hazel pulls my hands from her tangly hair and compellingly leans on my chest and says "just hold me Mommy, I love you." I hold her. A moment later my hands helplessly reach for the snarl on the back of her head and again she says "just hold me Mommy." I love that patience. She's got time to love me around my busy mind.
I see my husband snapping at the kids and think to myself that he's not reaching them for a change in heart. Then in less than a heartbeat one complains about salmon for dinner and I lash out.
My heart wants more. It wants to do right but oh how temptation lies at every corner. Carefully and artfully laid out to draw me away from the voice of the Holy Spirit. I wish when I'd had time that I'd laid my head on the heart of Jesus as a child and young adult. Just let his heartbeat consume me and surrender to Him. He has a perfect way.
I enjoy all my people. Adults. We think we have things so pat. So straight. Our opinions define us. We feel confident in our positions. We argue or we accept. We stand our ground in all things or we consider ourselves open minded. We look inside ourselves to find the capacity to accept all or dwell on how to change all. We take pride in speaking truth or holding our tongues. And always we live by cliches. Like not spanking. Or not yelling. Or not saying stupid stuff online. Or not getting drunk. Or not not not not not not not not not. But what if I said... I'm starting to think none of it matters. What if I said that if your action was guided by self it's spiritually irrelevant? If you bake cookies for someone because you think it's the right thing to do and you weren't guided by love, you just baked nothing and delivered nothing and received nothing and nothing nothing nothing. What if... you were content to pray? Can you imagine finding contentment in prayer? To pray for that person and never take an action until the Holy Spirit prompted you if ever whether to bake them cookies or share a verse or have coffee. This is a developing thought. I have not lived this yet and my examples are too extreme I'm sure. I'm just tired of feeling like a clanging gong. And the more busy I try to be to give my kids experiences or do good things for people the more like a clanging gong I feel. Busy is the death knell of love in my life. When I hear the word busy my heart crashes. And yet it defines us. And we all hope busy is changing hearts and changing lives and doing good and sharing Christ but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be having that effect on the world. No it does not. So I can only conclude, we need to be less busy and more available to the Holy Spirit.
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