That's the first questions we ask people. We love to talk about people who have too many kids or too few. We roll our eyes at each other and presume we are judged even as we judge. It's silly really. I mean, is the size of our families really so offensive to each other? C'MON! How weird is that? I wanted lots of kids. I wanted a life rich and full of family and large family meals and noise and chaos and never ending laughter (kinda like Parenthood without the California flavor). Jody wanted one kid and peace and quiet and the richness of savoring every milestone of that child's life... he didn't get that... which is not what we are dwelling on and I'd go out on a limb and say he's happier living my dream (laying on the floor laughing at my own joke). What I'm saying is everyone has a different dream and what's with trying to fit into societal norms? I was standing chatting with a couple of soft ball moms and found out they both only had one child (by choice and careful planning). I observed that they both had only one child and how unusual it is for me to meet two women who only have one child at the same time and then as I joked that it is also quite an accomplishment (tongue in cheek because I never could have pulled it off with my slipshod birth control methods) one told me to watch what I say about having only one child. She presumed before even hearing my joke (which was at my own expense) that I was about to criticize her family. Well, their kids are 11 and 10. I think we can safely say they are happy with their small family and sticking with their plan. Why would I care? I have to listen to comments left and right about having four kids, do I really want to cast a stone? I don't tell people how many kids to have! I give an "opinion" if it's requested but that's all it is, just an opinion. Is there a perfect number of children? Maybe. If you have a specific criteria. If you want to fit them all into a hotel room, you better stick with two. If you want to be able to fly around in airplanes, one might be the magic number for you. If you got two boys and want a girl three might be your magic number (FYI, that doesn't always pan out!) If you want a full basketball team you're going to need five... If you want a full dining table of average size go for four. If you think they're cheaper by the dozen... the scenarios are endless. I just want to be clear that I didn't have any firm plans. It was pretty much in the hands of God entirely until we realized He wanted to bless us so much it was scary. Yes, you can actually reach the whole "cup running over" point if you just open yourself up to God's blessings. For real. As far as strategy goes, I did buy four Christmas stockings that all matched when Eden was two months old and then after Hazel was born I realized I was sick of them and now I want new Christmas stockings. I've basically been in the shock, reel, recover, accept, do laundry, make dinner, move forward, have a baby, rinse and repeat cycle for several years. During all of this time, I've come to the slow realization that other people take a very active role in planning their lives. It's fascinating. It actually works. Things turn out the way they plan them! Novel! Are they happier than me? Nah! Am I happier than they are? Well, I hope so! LOL! I teased my sister never endingly about having more babies but she stood firm at 2. Do I judge her? No, never. Never at all. From a selfish standpoint it's convenient for me that she stopped at two because I have so many though... I think I teased her out of habit. People seem to assume there's a "story" to it if you don't have either two or three kids. Like there's a fascinating explanation for your life that seems so incomprehensible from afar. I am fine with general interest and friendly questions. I don't presume ulterior motives when I hear "you must be busy" and "oh wow, how do you even manage?" I know they are just making conversation but it makes me want to say something shocking and awful just to change things up because the comments are so redundant. I did reply straight faced "gin and tonic, that's the only way to get through your day" to one lady. She looked stricken. I'm kind of afraid she believed me. Oops. Now I'm judged for having too many kids and drinking too much. Let's see how much more trouble I can get into...
No comments:
Post a Comment