Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

A story for a special boy named Lawrence


Friends, there is a little boy on the east coast named Lawrence who is in the hospital today. He's having a tough time. When I heard about him I remembered a Lawrence from my childhood. He was a figment of my dads imagination and the foundation of hundreds of stories he told to my little brother. I had adopted Lawrence myself and made up my own stories for my kids so I decided to put one to paper for little Lawrence. I was just certain hearing about a big strong Lawrence would make him feel a tad bit stronger himself. So, if you read this, send up a prayer for little Lawrence. I know he's very important to God.
A thrill ran through Eden's chest. The farm. She jumped out of the car, stretched her limbs and eagerly beckoned to Nick and Kait who were still rooting for shoes and socks amid the pillows blankets and discarded snack containers. After catnapping through the night they were by no means well rested but their excitement energized them. Finally the younger two tumbled from the car and they all quickly fulfilled obligations and hugged Poppy and Nana. Their distraction was obvious but didn't offend the grandparents. Competing with Lawrence in the eyes of children would be like the moon competing with the sun in the morning. Eyes shining with repressed glee they began hopping like little bunnies with hands clasped in supplication. 
"Please can we go find Lawrence! Please!"
Poppy never able to resist a prank pulled a long face and told them there were cows to milk and feed and wood to chop before any galavanting around with dinosaurs.
Nick always quick to show his disappointment dropped his chin to his chest and in a show of good manners said "yes Poppy." Kait squinted seriously, a small furrow in her brow, estimating the chores and began dividing responsibilities in her mind for a quick execution. Eden's quick wit came to the fore and slanting a sharp glance, her eyes twinkled knowingly at her Poppy. "I wasn't born yesterday Poppy! It's 10AM, you are done milking and feeding for the morning and its April... You need no wood!" Her exclamation ended with a triumphant Sherlock like ring.  He shouted with laughter and Nana laughed until tears spilled down her cheeks. Kait and Nick grabbed Eden's hands and a chorus of thank yous floated back behind them as they sprinted for the railroad tracks. 
Clambering through a hole in the old gate Nicks shirt caught and snagged. He slumped his shoulders in his dramatic defeated posture and Kait deftly loosened it giving him a lecture on being more careful and not getting in such a hurry. The lecture was hard to take seriously from a child only 2 years his senior with a chocolate milk mustache but Nick was quick to cover his smile. Nobody laughed at Kait, nobody. 
They dashed across the tracks promising each other they would come back with their metal treasures to press. The second gate swung open easily and closed in a flash with Eden managing it with ease and familiarity. Finally, they spilled across a spring green field of clover and dashed across the hayfield in an earnest and slightly competitive sprint for the river. It was on. Eden pulled away easily, her legs eating up the distance but seeming from nowhere Nick became a ball of speed hurdling past her like a bullet straight for Lawrence's cave. Kait tended to get a sore knee so she ran a more leisurely pace staying close.
Lawrence was scientifically known as a Diplodocus. Nobody ever really talked about it just as we rarely refer to one another as Homo sapiens but there it was all the same. 
Nick came to a screeching halt at the opening of Lawrence's cave with Eden and Kait piling up against him knocking him one step further like a pile of minions. 
The cave was quiet and orderly without a diplodocus in sight. Eden strolled over to a table and found a Bible laying open to John. The story of the healed blind man she mused devouring the page instinctively. Reading was her first love and leaving something unread was almost physically impossible for her. As she read she came to an underlined verse:
“He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam”. So the man went and washed and came back seeing!”
John 9:7 NLT
By now Nick was swinging in a hammock he had strung up on his last visit and Kait was mixing a glass of chocolate milk. 
"Aha! He left us a clue" Eden trumpeted! She dashed out the door while Nick hung in a tangle trying to escape his hammock and Kait ruefully contemplated her fresh chocolate milk. Kait took a gulp and dutifully again extracted Nick from his latest predicament, choosing this time to merely give him an exasperated sigh with her eyebrows raised and her chocolate milk mustache refreshed. Nick ducked his head and dashed out the door without thanks but he also didn't laugh at Kait so he considered it even. 
A silvery laugh wafted up from the river and Kait and Nick ran down the hill in time to see Eden seeming to walk on water only to suddenly disappear under the water and come up again dripping wet and screaming from the shock of the icy water. Lawrence's small and wizened head rose from the water 20 feet from where Eden stood and his long neck curled around to her and they laughed. 
Kaits eyes roved the bank and found Lawrence's tail and she took the lead dashing straight out to the middle of the river running up his tail just as Eden had. Everyone was given turns hugging Lawrence's head as they clamored for a chance to tell him all of their latest news. But Lawrence soon shushed them and lifted his head listening. "a boat is coming" he said in his deep bass voice. The kids ran down his tail to the shore and began innocently gathering small shells and skipping stones as he melted into the water. A few minutes later a fishing boat drifted by with a couple of old gray haired men quietly relaxing with their fishing poles. Nick was the first to notice Lawrence's tail still draped on the shore and decided to run the opposite direction whooping like an Indian as a diversion drawing puzzled glances. Their  boat drug across Lawrence's backbone with an agonizing clatter as it hit each vertebrae. Eden froze in horror staring at the old men agape. Kait fortunately had a bit more poise and perkily shouted a hello and the old men silently waved looking a little vexed by noisy children on their fishing trip. One took a paddle out and dislodged the boat from Lawrence like he was just a rock they had beached on and the boat drifted free and floated on down the river without further ado. Eden and Kait collapsed on the beach amazed that Lawrence hadn't been discovered. Lawrence rose from the water flipped his tail to the children, they clambered on and he began to amble up to the hayfield to lay in the sun and warm everyone up. 
Nick was bouncing around like a little ball of flubber. "How did that happen?" The river is crystal clear! How did they not see you?" 
Lawrence rumbled with laughter and merely said "I was reading John today... And Jesus once said:
Then Jesus told him, “I entered this world to render judgment—to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.””
John 9:39
It's good you are young and learning faith and truth now. The older you get, the harder it becomes to accept. Knowing an extinct dinosaur is your privilege and responsibility. Perhaps if those men had known me when they were young they would have looked for the truth when their boat lodged on my vertebrae. But as it is, many people in your life will not seek truth, they will live on the surface of life accepting all as it appears never knowing the joy and thrill of knowing Jesus and listening to the Holy Spirit and finally someday meeting God in heaven. 
The kids laid on their dinosaur and their eyes drifted shut as he began at the beginning of John 9 and told them the story of a time Jesus healed a blind man who didn't even know who Jesus was or why he came. 



Sunday, May 25, 2014

The wake up call

I had a snowball three days of personal crisis culminating with a movie night to see "Mom's Night Out". It was with two other stay at home moms who happen to be some of my dearest friends.  They spent days planning this night and at the last minute I jotted off an email giving my regrets for missing the show and explaining that I'm on a never ending crying jag when I hesitated then hit delete and typed a whole new email and just said yes. Thank you Jesus. I laughed and cried so hard at that movie. Thank goodness we had the theater to ourselves. Then I processed for about 24 hours and this is what I concluded. Who would think that a movie could speak to me on a level that no human ever has, personally, from the pulpit, in a conference, through a book... They jut nailed me. They nailed my problem and this is my conclusion:
So I've rolled around in my messes wondering why I'm so awful and tried a million fixes and fallen into the same sins. It's the human condition. I'm actually so acclimated that I was well on my way to hating myself in spite of the fact that God made me and he loves me. The one's who knew me and loved me best got that and always tried a gentle redirect after reading one of my self recriminating blogs. "You're so hard on yourself" was the gentle refrain. It actually made me angry. Because anger is my crutch and I wanted to fight my way out of situations and blame myself for every bad thing that happened, every relationship breakdown, every forgotten school event, every missed bill. It took coming to the point of being willing to let it go just like the movie we all love to hate "FROZEN"(solemn face). So, I've let go of hating myself. It's a much more logical reset button than focusing on steps to avoid life's pitfalls. I hated myself so much I let myself agonize and self recriminate for things I honestly did not care about. I used them as examples of how bad I am. It was miserable, why didn't I realize I was creating my own misery? So, that's done, I'm just going to enjoy being me and enjoy my life and enjoy the one's who love me and love them back. I'm done dissecting myself to death and feeling guilty for not taking perfect care of my health needs, worrying about things I will never be good at, agonizing over people who will never completely love me with my faults included. None of it matters. Yesterday, I accepted that nobody is more perfectly loved by God than me so who cares. The never ending mantra that you have to love yourself to receive love always drove me crazy. It sounded narcissistic. I get it now. How disappointing for God to be beaming down and loving me and trusting me with his missions while I roll around crying over spilled milk and missing His call entirely. It took a really bad day with a little mission from God that I somehow thankfully picked up on for me to turn my life over and see it from another perspective and I'm excited. I'm blessed. I'm free. That need for acceptance from everyone is gone. I'm ok with some people not liking me. Maybe God made me for a special group of people. LOL! I'm ok with my social faux pas. I'm ok with my depression. I'm ok with my grief. I'm ok with my muffin top. I'm ok with whatever I get. It's my lot in life and it's not a reflection of my mission, my calling, my purpose. It's just stuff. So, I'm done with accepting all of the blame for relationship failures, and beating myself up for being forgetful and dumping loads of drama on my faithful friends created by my insecurities rooted in self loathing. I am suddenly thinking... uh yeah, I'm pretty sure God can work in all of those problems if I just love Him, love me, love people and read His word.  It's not coincidental that loving myself makes me less judgmental and unloving towards other people. God loves me this way and He can use me, I know it because He is and he can change me too if he wants, that would be great.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Halfway

On Friday as I bumbled along in the back seat with Bedford's head lolling over the seat we headed for Tel Aviv. It's funny that Israel is the size of New Jersey but yet they have such a variety of climates and landscapes. Tel Aviv is on the Mediterranean Sea so it's humid, green (when I was there anyway) and rather lush with more flat and rolling hills. Jerusalem is more hilly, rocky and an average humidity. So, we dropped off their horse at the doggy day care and he was thrilled. The boy and I cozied up for a long weekend in the back seat together.


Ashkelon was our lunch destination. It was pouring rain. Bart was worried about going to the desert during a deluge but Doug said we should go for it so we did and I'm glad even if everyone did suffer each in their own way. As the Bartletts like to say, during a lot of it "we had fun without having fun", the rest was fun or just crazy and unreal. In Ashkelon the recommended restaurant was closed so we went to "Meat Me". It was... good food and nobody spoke any english. They conveyed to us that they were searching for their english menu and we saw them search high and low to no avail. We finally ordered some beef and some chicken (the usual options in Israel) and he told us it would be $500. Doug dealt with it quickly asking how many zero's and he said one so my heart resumed beating. We sat down to eat. Doug felt compelled to take my picture in this clash of cultures with a rather alarming/disturbing phrase in the background though I daresay the Israeli's probably think it's clever and have no innuendo in mind... There were napkin dispensers from the 80's in America and a real live cigarette vending machine. I loved my lunch at "Meat Me" so much that I took several pictures.





We made a brief stop at the Mediterranean Sea but it was cold and windy so we picked up sea shells for my munchkins at home and skedaddled. 


After that we were back in the car pell mell and off to the border of Gaza just to say we went. We parked by the border and Doug and his mini me (Warren) rhapsodized over how close we were to Gaza and how we would all die if we crossed the border until Bart very calmly asked if we could leave. 

I think if she had known how the rest of our day would pan out she might not have bothered to feel any angst. It was to be the theme of her day. I was just a small child in the back seat without a care in the world kicking the seat in front of me and begging people to listen to my headphones with me so I really didn't add any gray hairs to my head. I guess it's not nice to brag. I guess I did join reality now and then to laugh like an imbecile and shrug my shoulders and wish for wifi so i could make nonsensical Facebook posts about my adventures on the border of Egypt and Gaza. Anyway, we got lost. We were headed for the desert to camp with the Bedouins and ride camels the next day but the Israeli version of Siri took us on a rather extensive off track tour of southern Israel. What eventually happened was we crossed over into a military zone, got stopped by a very scary looking humvee full of Israeli soldiers who wanted to know what we were doing. Since we were lost, we didn't really have to play the part we just acted dazed and confused which we were. They sent us packing and Bart forbade me from taking a picture of them which was torture. Ithink if she had known how the rest of our day would pan out she might not have bothered to feel any angst. It was to be the theme of her day. I was just a small child in the back seat without a care in the world kicking the seat in front of me and begging people to listen to my headphones with me so I really didn't add any gray hairs to my head. I guess it's not nice to brag. I guess I did join reality now and then to laugh like an imbecile and shrug my shoulders and wish for wifi so i could make nonsensical Facebook posts about my adventures on the border of Egypt and Gaza. Anyway, we got lost. We were headed for the desert to camp with the Bedouins and ride camels the next day but the Israeli version of Siri took us on a rather extensive off track tour of southern Israel. What eventually happened was we crossed over into a military zone, got stopped by a very scary looking humvee full of Israeli soldiers who wanted to know what we were doing. Since we were lost, we didn't really have to play the part we just acted dazed and confused which we were. They sent us packing and Bart forbade me from taking a picture of them which was torture. 

There's a little map of our tour though I really can't say where we went off track seeing as how I was oblivious most of the time. 
At one point we wound up in some kind of settlement behind a gate, unable to find our way back to any recognizable road. It was funny... well give me a break. I was a little kid kicking the seat. 
Finally after a harrowing drive through the desert in a deluge... Bart said we almost washed off of a bridge at one point... I was blissfully unaware... Doug got us to the place just in time for dinner. That was the best dinner of my freaking life after trekking back and forth from the car to the room through shin deep water with all of our luggage, pillows, blankets and sleeping bags. Sorry, no pictures. It would have been completely impossible, though it would have made a hilarious movie. 
Ahhhh dinner! Blessed amazing dinner!




We had tea by the fire and warmed up and tried to dry out a little. It was pretty magical. I'm still amazed at the lengths the Bartlett's all went to entertain me... little old me. 




The next day we had a lovely breakfast with what Harrison declared were the best eggs ever and many more sumptuous foods and teas. They had green tea and Bedouin tea. I liked the green tea personally. After breakfast and dinner both people staying there played music and sat around drinking tea and laughing. It's a very magical place. 
Here's what you saw right after you came out the door of our lodge.

 This is the restrooms but they're so pretty I had to take a pic. I was basically standing in the sunshine brushing my teeth.

This is the lodge we stayed in.

Yes, those tracks were right by the place we stayed the morning after the deluge!!! In the parking lot by our lodge. 


I'm outa juice. I keep stopping in the middle of a day. It bugs me. 














Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Part 1 My Trip

When I was seven, I had sticky gooey hands, long scraggly fingernails and stains on every garment I owned. I drove my sister crazy. If a person had held my sticky hand and looked into my eyes and said "stop borrowing your sisters clothes and staining them, she's going to stand by you through some pretty crazy situations and you need to keep her on your good side" I might not have taken the advice but I know I would have believed the speaker. I always knew my sister would ride the roller coaster of life with me. I took that for granted. It was a vague nameless assurance in my heart. When I was 19 I was a slightly plump, aimless and sometimes blonde, sometimes not office girl. I wore borderline inappropriate clothes to my job at an engineering firm and had no plan for my future. If a person had grabbed my arm one pretty spring day that year and pointed at Jody as he stood at the front desk waiting for his job interview and said "he's going to ride the roller coaster with you and you'll have four kids together within the next 12 years", I don't think I would have believed such a forecast quite so surely. But alas, what we foresee never comes and what we never could have imagined does. Which brings me to the incongruous story of my trip to Israel. Through mutual acquaintances I became friends with Jen Bartlett about two years ago. My first definitive memory is sitting in the salon at Jenny's house having my hair done for the spring gala at school. Bart popped in from next door with little hair clips all over her head of wet hair and chatted us up. We discussed what we were going to wear and I darkly asked her if Jenny had already told her I was pregnant. Her face is always an open book so I had the amusing experience of dropping a bomb on her that ricocheted into a million expressions. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget the reactions of every single person I told I was pregnant with Hazel though so I guess that time of my life is crystalized in my memory for ever. Now, if at that point a person had told me that Bart and her husband Doug would someday fly me to Israel and give me the experience of a lifetime just for kicks I certainly would have thought they were crazy. But that's exactly what happened. She had moved to Israel for Doug's work when one day she said "would you ever consider coming to visit?" I said "yes, when Jody finally wins the lottery we'll be on the next flight." She laughed and said "no seriously, if Doug could get you a ticket with airline miles would you come?" I screamed and told her she had to be kidding me of course I would come. She kept asking me if I really meant it and if I was sure so I finally settled down enough to say that I guessed I had better talk to Jody. I found out later why she didn't believe me when I said yes. All of her family and two friends had already declined her invitation. I was stonewalled. I could not believe these people. Of course all of them had been on international trips and they knew what all of the trade offs of international travel were. I, on the other hand was a novice. So, Jody agreed to let me go without hesitation because he loves me like nobody knows how to except him. They invited him as well and at one point I thought he would come with me but then he decidedly declined... just like all of those other people much to my amazement. I like to think that many people declined because they thought it would be impolite to accept the free plane ticket. Maybe they didn't want to be ingratiating. I still find it all puzzling but fortunate for ME! I will admit, there were some difficult moments, weaning Hazel and tearing myself away from her made me cry quite a bit, but something just pushed me through it telling me it was now or never. So, the girl who's seen the ocean once got a passport and hopped on a big jet airplane. I got the best seats in coach because Doug flies all of the time and he bought my ticket. I was so excited I was like a little child. When our plane took off from my Newark connection I looked out my window and practically squealed to the flight attendant "Is that the Statue of Liberty????!!!!" He gave me a tolerant smile and said "yes it is." I was over the moon! A little bonus to my trip I hadn't even thought of. That flight was 6,000 miles. It flew by though. I slept some, read some and boom I was already landing in Tel Aviv. The world was lush, green and beautiful with the Mediterranean Sea glowing blue. I came to the meeting area and there was Bart. She told me later she realized she was about to cry just waiting and hoping I hadn't bailed at the last second (a ridiculous notion). And there they were with my welcome sign, immediately buying me coffee. They pumped me with so much coffee the first two days I was vacillating between arrhythmia and incontinence.
We got into their car and headed straight for Jerusalem. It's about an hour away. Bart and I were like little teenagers sitting in the back calling Doug our driver. I thought I was so funny that day but after being in about 30 taxis in my ten days there, I realized it isn't all that sensational to sit in the back seat and tell a driver to take you somewhere. (more on taxis later!) So we went straight to the Old City and walked through the market where Doug made me try my first fresh squeezed pomegranate juice. Amazing and unforgettable. Then we went down the Via Dolorosa. It was amazing. We saw the jail cell where Jesus was held. A very sobering and real moment for me. I was later to discover that it's simply amazing that it's still there because the entire city has been built on top of several times over. And significant locations almost all have churches built on top of them with little or no access to the actual place. It's a strange thing to go to an old part of the world; to see ruins where something beautiful was destroyed just to make a point and then built on top of and hidden for thousands of years. After that they took me out to lunch. And this was when I realized I wasn't just going to pal around with Jen and hang out with her and see what it's like to live in Jerusalem. They wined and dined me and I still have no idea why but it was impossible to say no. It was incredible and amazing and unforgettable. I had the time of my life. This was the lunch at the Moroccan restaurant. It was a five course meal. After that we went home and ran Harrison to his guitar lesson. I got to meet his teacher and his wife walked down to a cafe with us for coffee. Then we walked to the old city and sat in an outdoor amphitheater and watched the history of Jerusalem in holograms on the buildings in the dark. I loved it. I am amazed just retelling this that I've been blogging for an hour and have only gotten through one day. We tried to get a taxi on the way home but Bart was just waving down random cars instead of taxis so we wound up walking. LOL!

Monday, May 16, 2011

The sower of the Word

Matthew 13

3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

It's supposed to be a challenge, something to rise to. Something to be. But I've been a bumbling sower for years. I find it... frustrating. I read the parable and I see faces. I see the one's who had no roots. Then I think about the the one's who didn't try to understand me, and instead tried to see the Word through human eyes which enabled Satan to steal it from them. It's such a downer. Recently, I had a little boost though. A friend told me that people I didn't know, had been witnessing to and praying for a family who I had recently invited to church for years. All it took was a warm conversation and an invitation to church, for something to start. Jesus, my prophet. I love it when your words match something happening in my life. It makes me feel like you're my friend and not just a friend of the disciples.

John 4
36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

I'd like to hug every sower in that family's life. I'd like to be glad with them. I'd also like to think that I'm wrong about the one's who's faces are like ghosts to me. I'd like to think that they WERE fertile ground and my seeds were slow to germinate or were dormant. That someone even now might be reaping the harvest of something sown long ago.