As summer fades

Tonight we finished "To Kill A Mockingbird".  In the history of summers and family read alouds this is a rather paltry showing. In a usual summer, the kids will push me to read for hours on end with wheedling passionate persistence that I unfortunately have little resistance to.  I'm not proud of this because after all, who wouldn't choose Harry Potter over washing more dishes? It's always ironic to me when people think I'm bragging. Like it's just saintly to have dirty floors when friends stop by. It reminds me of people putting some kind of esteem on the fact that I don't watch TV when the simple fact is I don't have the attention span to survive the commercials. Anyway, as usual I digress. To say that we only read one measly novel all summer is embarrassing. But it opened our hearts and so it is enough.  I read the last five chapters of my dog eared 25 cent copy from Goodwill with a toddler sleeping across me.  My fingers rythmically swept up and down her side as she puffed chocolate breath from her unbrushed teeth but it stole nothing from our finale.  As Scout stood on Arthur Radleys' porch wisely absorbing the weight of standing in another mans shoes, I looked up to see tears shimmering in Eden's eyes and a deep shadow marking Kait's face. It's an achingly deep moment. We all want a perfect ending, a neatly tied bow with happily ever after and everyone changed and improved. It had taken almost the whole book of me haltingly reading then stopping to explain colloquialisms, symbolisms, definitions and even clarifying what had happened in an entire chapter of people speaking in double meanings but finally at the end, there it was... Eden sharply stopping me and saying "wait!" and demanding clarification. She was realizing that each word held weight and the story meant so much more than I could explain in a sitting.
I don't give my kids the things they want like books that everyone else is reading and TV shows that everyone else is watching though some would say they have too much and sometimes I neglect the things they need like clean teeth at night or fresh pajamas but I will always hope they hold on to what I try to teach them about letting Jesus in so out will come love, time invested, integrity, defense of the defenseless, purity of heart, and just generally getting outside of our own pains and predjudices to hold space for other people because that's what Jesus can do through us.
I started our final reading thanking the Lord that my kids start school soon and ended in a state of melancholy and desire to just keep them home another month. Just a little extension of time to teach them what I believe and combat the education system with all of it's agendas but alas here it is. Another summer is slipping away and I grasp at bits and pieces wondering when I will ever have a perfect one to look back on as the summer I shared everything important I could with them.
My heart can't take these kids. I'm blessed more than I can absorb and it's beautiful.