Sanity

Now, I know that sanity is over rated but really... at this point I'd just like to remember what it was like. Jod accepted a job in Arkansas but we didn't know where to live. The job was nice but didn't offer to cover much of the insurance and it was only medical and they couldn't offer to pay for the move. Mom and Dad agreed to help us out so we went down to visit and house shop. Things got a little messed up and we had to rethink how to finance the house. We got a renter for our house and were in the process today of applying for financing and then Jody got a call from a company in Colorado that he applied to in August. They want him. They offered to pay moving expenses, the insurance includes, life, medical, vision and dental. He told them he was on the craziest tight schedule imaginable and they bought him a plane ticket, hotel room and rental car for December 26th. I know I should be so happy at the opportunity but I've been sitting in limbo for months and I just want this to all be over. It's so stressful. How will we get housing? What will we do about our renter moving in on January 1st? I'm so overwhelmed and can't figure out what I should be doing. Half of me thinks I should keep moving forward with the Arkansas thing, in case the Colorado thing isn't feasible and half of me wants to just go get in the bathtub and fill it with steaming water and soak in it until it cools and then fill it back up again and forget the world.
All I know for sure is that Jody is the love of my life. I just want him to be happy. I just want him to have a secure job that he at least halfway enjoys and time with the family. We get so hopeful that the resolution is almost here and then something else blindsides us. I'm at the end of my rope with a perpetual headache, trying not to buy too many groceries in case I'm about to move and having options presented to me ever time I turn around. I guess I do know one other thing for sure, our families love us. They've all smothered us with offers to help in this way or that way, giving us ideas out the wazoo. This morning Jody told me that he doesn't know what to do, we've prayed for God to make our path clear for months and nothing has happened. We just keep muddling along, coming across insurmountable obstacle after obstacle and nothing ever feels quite right. I'm trying not to be inconcievably angry that I let my psyco-analyzing interfere with three trips to Arkansas. I missed my sisters birthday because we had Jody fly down on the wrong weekend, I missed Thanksgiving because he didn't get the job offer in time for us to be sure of looking for a house... and now I'm missing Christmas because we were worried if we waited until Christmas to go down, we wouldn't be able to find a house in time. It's just so frustrating and disappointing. I feel like, I shouldn't have analyzed the situation so much and stuck to original plans. Does that mean I'll regret not moving to Arkansas too??? I am in a vacuum. Beyond that, I know I love living in Colorado and Arkansas but I'll be so mad if I have to move to Colorado after missing so many opportunities to visit my family with the promise before me that I'd be living there pretty soon anyway. I know that no matter where we live, I won't be able to afford to just go visit. Anyway, I'm rambling up a storm.
Please God, make our path clear and straight.