We had a bit of a rough month in December and I took a little of it out on my blog. I'm sorry if it was a bit dreary for my readers but I fully intend to turn it around in January. After all, it's a new year and alas I shall soon be 28. I don't think that means much but I thought I'd squeeze it in there.
We had a very hard decision to make this month and it felt like everyone we knew got a broken heart out of the deal. The family in Minnesota is broken to lose us, the family in Arkansas is broken to almost have us join them and then have to change our plans and I was broken to miss the opportunity. Jody's heart was broken over the fact that I was hurt and the kids... well, Eden suffered her first grief at the loss of her home in Kasson. We sat in the foyer and cried together at the loss of the place she made so many memories.
And now, we start a new chapter. Life will change in many ways, both good and bad. One thing I have to count as a blessing is the fact that our families love us so much. They work so hard with us to make the distance between us feel like nothing at all. Thank God for cell phones that have unlimited long distance and grandparents that are willing to piece together broken english from my silly toddlers with a persistence that they would never invest in a telemarketer from Pakistan.
We'll be moving within a week and settled within two weeks. I'll post then!
Toodles,
Elizabeth
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
My first ever ba humbug Christmas
I have this beautiful family. I'm blessed beyond words, and yet... I sit here acknowledging that I am a complete Scrooge this Christmas. I guess there's nothing more to say. I hope the kids remember it fondly in spite of the fact that their parents were completely non-compliant to a memorable Christmas. How do you hold on to the magic year after year, with problem after problem arising? How do you put on a smile for your kids and help them keep track of how many more days it is until Jesus's birthday when you just can't wait for it to be over? Every day I'm trying to make myself pack at least three boxes. I know full well, that I'm nowhere close to being packed and I have four days left. I'm just overwhelmed and can't concentrate on anything... not even my blog. I'm at complete peace now about the move. I have made a final surrender and it feels better. I know that ultimately we will wind up living where God wants us to. I believe he's speaking to Jody even if he doesn't know it. It doesn't feel good to think about my whole family down in Arkansas celebrating Christmas. I haven't been down there with the whole crowd for Christmas in six years... or is it seven? Perhaps next year. Somebody told me it would make me feel better to think that... but it doesn't.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sanity
Now, I know that sanity is over rated but really... at this point I'd just like to remember what it was like. Jod accepted a job in Arkansas but we didn't know where to live. The job was nice but didn't offer to cover much of the insurance and it was only medical and they couldn't offer to pay for the move. Mom and Dad agreed to help us out so we went down to visit and house shop. Things got a little messed up and we had to rethink how to finance the house. We got a renter for our house and were in the process today of applying for financing and then Jody got a call from a company in Colorado that he applied to in August. They want him. They offered to pay moving expenses, the insurance includes, life, medical, vision and dental. He told them he was on the craziest tight schedule imaginable and they bought him a plane ticket, hotel room and rental car for December 26th. I know I should be so happy at the opportunity but I've been sitting in limbo for months and I just want this to all be over. It's so stressful. How will we get housing? What will we do about our renter moving in on January 1st? I'm so overwhelmed and can't figure out what I should be doing. Half of me thinks I should keep moving forward with the Arkansas thing, in case the Colorado thing isn't feasible and half of me wants to just go get in the bathtub and fill it with steaming water and soak in it until it cools and then fill it back up again and forget the world.
All I know for sure is that Jody is the love of my life. I just want him to be happy. I just want him to have a secure job that he at least halfway enjoys and time with the family. We get so hopeful that the resolution is almost here and then something else blindsides us. I'm at the end of my rope with a perpetual headache, trying not to buy too many groceries in case I'm about to move and having options presented to me ever time I turn around. I guess I do know one other thing for sure, our families love us. They've all smothered us with offers to help in this way or that way, giving us ideas out the wazoo. This morning Jody told me that he doesn't know what to do, we've prayed for God to make our path clear for months and nothing has happened. We just keep muddling along, coming across insurmountable obstacle after obstacle and nothing ever feels quite right. I'm trying not to be inconcievably angry that I let my psyco-analyzing interfere with three trips to Arkansas. I missed my sisters birthday because we had Jody fly down on the wrong weekend, I missed Thanksgiving because he didn't get the job offer in time for us to be sure of looking for a house... and now I'm missing Christmas because we were worried if we waited until Christmas to go down, we wouldn't be able to find a house in time. It's just so frustrating and disappointing. I feel like, I shouldn't have analyzed the situation so much and stuck to original plans. Does that mean I'll regret not moving to Arkansas too??? I am in a vacuum. Beyond that, I know I love living in Colorado and Arkansas but I'll be so mad if I have to move to Colorado after missing so many opportunities to visit my family with the promise before me that I'd be living there pretty soon anyway. I know that no matter where we live, I won't be able to afford to just go visit. Anyway, I'm rambling up a storm.
Please God, make our path clear and straight.
All I know for sure is that Jody is the love of my life. I just want him to be happy. I just want him to have a secure job that he at least halfway enjoys and time with the family. We get so hopeful that the resolution is almost here and then something else blindsides us. I'm at the end of my rope with a perpetual headache, trying not to buy too many groceries in case I'm about to move and having options presented to me ever time I turn around. I guess I do know one other thing for sure, our families love us. They've all smothered us with offers to help in this way or that way, giving us ideas out the wazoo. This morning Jody told me that he doesn't know what to do, we've prayed for God to make our path clear for months and nothing has happened. We just keep muddling along, coming across insurmountable obstacle after obstacle and nothing ever feels quite right. I'm trying not to be inconcievably angry that I let my psyco-analyzing interfere with three trips to Arkansas. I missed my sisters birthday because we had Jody fly down on the wrong weekend, I missed Thanksgiving because he didn't get the job offer in time for us to be sure of looking for a house... and now I'm missing Christmas because we were worried if we waited until Christmas to go down, we wouldn't be able to find a house in time. It's just so frustrating and disappointing. I feel like, I shouldn't have analyzed the situation so much and stuck to original plans. Does that mean I'll regret not moving to Arkansas too??? I am in a vacuum. Beyond that, I know I love living in Colorado and Arkansas but I'll be so mad if I have to move to Colorado after missing so many opportunities to visit my family with the promise before me that I'd be living there pretty soon anyway. I know that no matter where we live, I won't be able to afford to just go visit. Anyway, I'm rambling up a storm.
Please God, make our path clear and straight.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Kaity Kat
Oh my word! Kait just ran up to me and said: "Mom, where da horsey?" I said "What horsey?" Mind you, she drops the s's off of the beginnings of words and often pronounces t's as d's. She said "Da horsey wif da dick."
Ha ha ha! Wish I had that serious expression and those disturbing words on video.
Ha ha ha! Wish I had that serious expression and those disturbing words on video.
My brain...
seems to be thinking in a language I don't know. I have this fuzzy feeling around my whole head and can't understand anything that I must be thinking. Or, maybe I'm not thinking at all, but that would just be tragic.
Nick is growing way too fast. He's army crawling and doing the daa daa daa, ya ya ya, ma ma ma. It's adorable.
Eden is reading three and four letter words. It's so exciting!!!
Kaitlyn is growing!!! She really is. Size 2 clothes actually fit her and the 24month ones are too small! (Heavenly Angels sing a glorious AAAAHHHHHH). Nevermind that Eden was a size 3 at her age.
Last week or the week before... I can't remember. Maybe if I were fluent in swahili I would know... we made homemade beads, baked them, painted them and now we finally made them into necklaces today. A true nightmare in the non-crafty mind of Elizabeth. Thank God that one is over.
As far as Jody's job goes, we've heard nothing from anyone. God gave Jody enough sales this past two weeks to get another miraculous paycheck from Waste Treatment Systems. I try not to think past the present because it just gets me down. I was having a really down day today and a song I've known since I was a kid popped into my head and I sang it as loud as I could until it sank in. Here's how it goes: "In all things I will bless you. Your praise will be on my lips. My soul makes it's boast in the Lord. The humble man will hear of You, the afflicted will be glad; and join with me to magnify the Lord. Let us exhalt His name together, forever. I sought the Lord, he heard me and delivered me from my fears. Let us exhalt His name together forever, sing His praises, magnify the Lord. " The part that spoke to me was that He will deliver me from my fears. That's what I really need to be delivered from. I kind of remind myself of the children of Isreal. God has provided amazingly for us and I still worry, fret, fear and get angry that my world isn't still more secure yet. Ah the frail little Elizabeth, grasping at straws to try to control my life when I know very well that it's not in my hands.
Okay, the fuzzies are taking over again. I forgot to mention that Nick must be teething and we don't sleep very well at night right now. As a matter of fact, "we don't sleep" would be more succinct and accurate... If only I understood Chinese, everything would make sense.
Here's a toast to faith, hope and charity. It's Christmas time now so we're switching from wine to Bailey's and coffee... maybe that new kind with caramel. OHHHH and guess what? Hershey's made a new Kiss for their 100 year anniversary. DARK CHOCOLATE truffles!!!! Addiction, oh sweet blissful addiction.
Nick is growing way too fast. He's army crawling and doing the daa daa daa, ya ya ya, ma ma ma. It's adorable.
Eden is reading three and four letter words. It's so exciting!!!
Kaitlyn is growing!!! She really is. Size 2 clothes actually fit her and the 24month ones are too small! (Heavenly Angels sing a glorious AAAAHHHHHH). Nevermind that Eden was a size 3 at her age.
Last week or the week before... I can't remember. Maybe if I were fluent in swahili I would know... we made homemade beads, baked them, painted them and now we finally made them into necklaces today. A true nightmare in the non-crafty mind of Elizabeth. Thank God that one is over.
As far as Jody's job goes, we've heard nothing from anyone. God gave Jody enough sales this past two weeks to get another miraculous paycheck from Waste Treatment Systems. I try not to think past the present because it just gets me down. I was having a really down day today and a song I've known since I was a kid popped into my head and I sang it as loud as I could until it sank in. Here's how it goes: "In all things I will bless you. Your praise will be on my lips. My soul makes it's boast in the Lord. The humble man will hear of You, the afflicted will be glad; and join with me to magnify the Lord. Let us exhalt His name together, forever. I sought the Lord, he heard me and delivered me from my fears. Let us exhalt His name together forever, sing His praises, magnify the Lord. " The part that spoke to me was that He will deliver me from my fears. That's what I really need to be delivered from. I kind of remind myself of the children of Isreal. God has provided amazingly for us and I still worry, fret, fear and get angry that my world isn't still more secure yet. Ah the frail little Elizabeth, grasping at straws to try to control my life when I know very well that it's not in my hands.
Okay, the fuzzies are taking over again. I forgot to mention that Nick must be teething and we don't sleep very well at night right now. As a matter of fact, "we don't sleep" would be more succinct and accurate... If only I understood Chinese, everything would make sense.
Here's a toast to faith, hope and charity. It's Christmas time now so we're switching from wine to Bailey's and coffee... maybe that new kind with caramel. OHHHH and guess what? Hershey's made a new Kiss for their 100 year anniversary. DARK CHOCOLATE truffles!!!! Addiction, oh sweet blissful addiction.
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