Highs and lows

Sometimes I am swept away by how Jody loves me. He loves me so true. He's the most loyal of people. If I pick on him for the way he prioritizes his work, I always know in the back of my mind, it's not because he wants to do it, it's because he has to and he has to do it 110%, it's his way. What really amazes me and has every time I've carried one of his children, is how patient he is with my emotional highs and lows. He is so, so supportive. I wish every pregnant lady had a guy like him. He affirms me, he supports me, listens to all of my woes and seems to be genuinely interested in helping me work it all out. I could not ask for a better partner in life. Someday Eden, Kait and Nick will read this and hopefully it will set their standards for finding a person like Jody and being a person like him.
Lately, I've been trying to truly wrap my mind around the fact that I have a birth coming up. I'm in the last trimester. This is for real, and I've got some birth planning to do. Even as I write this, my entire belly is shaking. I guess this little persons ears are burning. My births feel so long ago that it seems like I've forgotten what my "priorities" for the birth were. With Kait I fantasized about baking a cake for everyone to eat after she came out while I was in labor. Ridiculous. I was thrashing around gyrating and praying somebody would get there before she came out which my midwife mentioned the other day. She laughingly said she remembers so clearly racing to my house to "catch that baby". With Nick, I just remember being so ready to go into labor for so long that we finally decided to wash the dogs because we had already done a "final grocery shopping" trip twice. I think with this one, I'll just make lists, like lists of helpful things to do during labor and my grocery list etc... buy a bottle of champagne and wait for the big day. My sister and friends want to come to the birth so I kind of picture it being a party. Baby comes out, we all have cake and champagne or fratata and mimosas depending on what time it is, then I collapse and they grab my cash and shopping list and do everything I should have done. Doesn't that sound nice? I guess with nesting I'll probably try to do everything myself after all but it's a nice fantasy. I guess my main wish is that everyone could be psychic. They hear my thoughts and put my hair in a ponytail or turn the lights down or grab me a glass of iced tea... all of those little things that drive a woman crazy in labor but she just can't articulate. But mostly, so help me, if anyone throws a pity party for me in labor this time, I'm going to attack them. I absolutely hate pity in labor and have yet to have a baby without someone saying something as stupid as I would if I were there helping.
Beyond that, I'm completely blank when I imagine myself holding a new baby with a new name and a new birthday. It's mind boggling. It's the most surreal pregnancy I've ever had. So many people have said the words "when you hold that baby" and I just can't even believe it. I try to picture myself holding a baby, wearing a sling again, nursing a baby, dragging a baby carrier around... it's literally inconceivable.