Monday, September 8, 2014

live it now

I almost started an anonymous blog this morning. How liberating and exciting it would be to throw caution to the wind and blog about all kinds of hilarious, inappropriate obnoxious things that would just make me laugh and laugh and everyone in my life hate me. So I put an inordinate amount of importance on laughing. I could have worse problems.  But then I read blogs about anonymous blogs and there was that not so little warning at the end that you must be prepared to be unmasked someday. And thus... I shall not. I will continue to shock the older generation with too much info, hopefully amuse my own generation and leave the youngn's wondering why I think I'm funny.
Last night Jody and I got into the dumbest argument that ever did start in the history of the world. But we stuck by our guns and lifted our noses and made our snide obscure observations and even went so far as to "ha" at each other. (this was literally about the Olaf face painting Kait got at church this morning, I am not making that up. Yes, we seem to currently be short on real problems.) After we had enacted the superior silence ritual, I stalked past his impervious back and picked up my kindle and marched into our bedroom past his irritatingly absorbed visage as he physically leaned into the tv to be one with the Broncos. My lofty demeanor had been lost on him which made me want to stomp myself into the ground like Rumplestiltzkin. I stood by my bed and then remembered what I'd thought two days after our last spat. I had looked at a picture of my friend Joel Hedlunds wedding day where his wife hash tagged #therewillneverbeanother. I had stared at that picture and with tears clouding my vision I asked myself what are we missing? Joel has brain cancer. Right now he's fighting for each breath, each word, each minute. I would venture to guess that they do not fight about Olaf. And I love Jody with my whole being so why do we ever waste a single minute in stony "I'm right" silence let alone a whole day? I stood there by my bed asking myself if I was a big enough person to seek resolution before we slept. I quickly decided that it's easier to get on a husbands good side with less clothing on. He came in the room and sliced a puzzled glance at what I was or was not wearing as I read my kindle. He brushed his teeth and got into bed and rolled over with his back to me very purposefully. I was so tired I almost caved. My pillow was so soft and everything was so comfy I think I was in some kind of cloud. But I fought my way to the surface with great focus and started a dialogue. (are you following how badly I did not want to do this?). I asked him why we waste time fighting and he said he had no idea. I told him if we have that much energy to fight over stupid crap maybe we have more energy to invest in each other than we claim. He agreed. He complained about things I do wrong. I complained about how he is so hard on me about all of the things I do wrong. Because that seriously is what we struggle with, I know because we took a personality test this weekend and basically I'm a flapping barn door and he's perfect which is so freaking annoying.  I will note that he is warned to not be hard on the flapping barn door if he is so foolish as to marry said flapping barn door.  He said we aren't a team anymore. I rolled my eyes at the sports analogy. I listed off several things I wish our relationship were more focused on then I said "and what about make up sex?  We never have make up sex, we always quit talking then start talking again the next day. That's so not fair." Jody sputtered "what does that have to do..." I laid there grimacing and trying not to destroy my serious tone but I burst into hysterical laughter. He held me close and I pressed my cheek on his chest and said "I opened dialogue this time, it's your turn next time, it's only fair."

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