The sower of the Word

Matthew 13

3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

It's supposed to be a challenge, something to rise to. Something to be. But I've been a bumbling sower for years. I find it... frustrating. I read the parable and I see faces. I see the one's who had no roots. Then I think about the the one's who didn't try to understand me, and instead tried to see the Word through human eyes which enabled Satan to steal it from them. It's such a downer. Recently, I had a little boost though. A friend told me that people I didn't know, had been witnessing to and praying for a family who I had recently invited to church for years. All it took was a warm conversation and an invitation to church, for something to start. Jesus, my prophet. I love it when your words match something happening in my life. It makes me feel like you're my friend and not just a friend of the disciples.

John 4
36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

I'd like to hug every sower in that family's life. I'd like to be glad with them. I'd also like to think that I'm wrong about the one's who's faces are like ghosts to me. I'd like to think that they WERE fertile ground and my seeds were slow to germinate or were dormant. That someone even now might be reaping the harvest of something sown long ago.

"The Best Mom in the World"

When Jody pulled me close and pressed his mouth into my hair and told me I was the most amazing mother and he couldn't imagine anyone else who could be a better mother to his children, you'd think I would get a warm fuzzy glow. Instead, I got the jolt we all get but somehow I think mine is worse than average, Mother guilt. I wish I were better. I wish, I wish, I wish. Mostly, I wish I measured up to the beautiful cards the kids made and people gave me. I wish I were the greatest mom in the world so those cards would feel like a well deserved accolade and I was finally being given proper appreciation.
Last week was just basically a bust. Nick ran away with Journey on his strider. I ran and screamed and ran and screamed but they were out of earshot and I was just a gasping, fat, pregnant woman standing there with anger and fear competing for the top emotion. In those terrible twenty minutes when he was lost, all I could do was burst into tears, imagining the worst and wondering why in the world God had put another child inside of me. The next day I got a call reminding me to pay a very important bill... How did I forget that? It was three days late! The next day I got an email from Kaitlyn's teacher wondering if I'd forgotten her assessment. Two days later... yes I got a day of respite, my carpool friend called me and wondered if I'd forgotten the kids at school. Oh, yes I had! I can't do it! I really can't. I'm too lazy, too disorganized and too everything for four kids. I say it to friends and they give me an uncomprehending smile. They really don't think it's that big of a deal. They have planners that are completely filled in. They have a laundry system. They have clean bathrooms. This is a part of their daily routine, and yet their lives are a mystery to me. I'm just that simple girl who falls off of the organization wagon, has a complete wipe out and has to create a new resolve on a regular basis.
I kind of wonder sometimes... what if there were a super mom about twenty years older than me, who would come live with me for a month and teach me how to be "The Best Mom in the World". She could put me on a schedule, use a hot shot on me when I sit down to puddle on Craigs List or my blog and lecture me for several hours per day on how to be the proverbial virtuous woman, all while reminding me of the schedule. I wonder if it would create a new mentality for me. I wonder if that would be the key to becoming "The Best Mom in the World."