Whiny butt

Cindy lunged into my face roaring that I was a fucking bitch while grabbing my arm and shoving me against the wall. I was paralyzed. I knew I needed to stay strong or she might feel a power and actually hurt me. I stared into her crazed eyes and knew she was trying to make me attack her back so she could frame me. I stood my ground telling her to stop. Every word I uttered seemed to be fuel to her fire so I finally stopped speaking and tried backing away. She released my arm and kept shouting that I was terrible at my job and a fucking bitch and never to touch her again. I dazedly walked back to my area and looked for my union steward Meredith. Only a week ago, a seasonal employee who was a total pervert had come up behind me and grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him under the ruse of trying to scoot past me. I felt so angry and powerless and abused. It seemed like life never stopped throwing arrows at me. I found Meredith dragging enormous boxes off the belt and rapidly shoving them into a truck. I said "Mer, I don't know what to do, Cindy just attacked me." She wheeled around and fiercely told me to go report her immediately to Justin. I knew Justin already disliked me for making a big deal out of the pervert but as I headed for the office, Cindy was emerging with a malevolent  smile. She saw me and turned once more and said "just so you know." Then she breezed past me casually returning to unload. I walked in and Justin held his hand up not even glancing at me saying "just a minute." He leaned back in his chair listening to a conference call and I stood awkwardly. Finally he said, "what do you need?" I said well, Cindy just attacked me in unload. He said "well, as I understand it you touched her and she wasn't very happy about that." I said  "she almost hit me in the head with a box she was throwing and I tapped her twice on the back and said watch out." He gave me a condescending look and said "well, in the future just communicate that to her clearly without touching her." I felt oddly like I was in the twilight zone and that I was being blamed for this attack. I said "ok Justin, Cindy attacked me, what are you going to do?" He said, "did anyone see it?" I said "yes, I'm sure everyone did. She was screaming in my face that I was a fucking bitch and shoving me against a wall hitting me." He sighed and leaned back in his chair again. Finally he said "I'll have Coach talk to her." I stared at him in shock and left,

I returned to work, shaking, unable to focus or work at half speed. My mind returned to a long ago locker room and a girl beating me until I crawled from the room on hands and knees. Mer checked on me and I shrugged biting back tears. I said I guess they aren't going to do anything. She said well we will just talk to Brett when he gets here. I felt so defeated. Brett must secretly hate me by now I thought. I'm always drama. Always a big swirl of something drifting around me. I wondered why and felt a wave of self pity wash over me.

A few minutes later I saw Brett and assumed he had been told but he hadn't. I tried to tell him what happened and when I saw care in his expression I cracked. I finished my retelling with rivers of tears and the proclamation that I hate UPS and all of the crap that happens to me all of the time there. His big sorrowful brown eyes said it all. He was going to champion me yet again for the millionth time. My body with limp with relief. I had been trying to imagine how I would even come to work for two more weeks but with Brett in my corner, I knew I could make it. 

By the end of my shift Cindy had been sent home, I had written a five page statement about her harassment for the last two and a half years and as Brett held it , he asked if I wanted to go home. I did. I really did but I didn't want show weakness and have Cindy hear I had gone home so I said no I'd stay.

 Ernie arrived and asked how I was and I said maybe worst day ever here. He got the skinny, then side hugged me and said "aw Elizabeth, you're still one of my favorite people." I laid my cheek on his shoulder for a second and said thanks. 

When I got home to my sacred space there were my beautiful Jody and Hazel ready to listen and care. I held hot fresh coffee Jody had made and snuggled on a beanbag by the fire, knowing not everyone finds sanctuary in their home spaces. 

Hours later I laid in a bath with the most amazing bath salts Jody had gotten me for Christmas listening to Lauren Daigle. I let tears run down the sides of my cheeks and pool in my ears. Finally I said God, can't you take me away from UPS? The self pity had consumed me. But then God showed me Jody's  face and Hazel's and Brett's and Mer's and Ernie's. He said "she will never have what you do and that's what she hates."  So I said "well, I'm sorry for being a whiny butt God." He chuckled and said, "you'll be ok."