The gift

When I think of friendship as it relates to my present life, I grasp something very personal and raw. What you my friends have done is taught me how to love with grace. While I used to tell my kids to find good friends, I now hesitate. Because nobody is always a good friend. Friendship isn't really a choice, it's a gift. In recent months, I've modified my friendship advice to my daughters so much that they are probably hopelessly confused. It comes from a deep need to acknowledge the gifts of friendship that have been bestowed upon me. If I think about how my best friend Jody has loved me through the last 15 years I'm honestly humbled. Even during my recent crisis, he remembered who I really was and he kept reminding me. My friend Christine held my hand lightly through my grief and I so admire and respect her amazing gift from God to do that so well. She always gives me truth and trusts the process of friendship drama free. My friend Jenn offered me a perfect picture of love and forgiveness when I asked for it after what I can only describe as an absence from myself. She helped me work on stuff and let Jesus in to my life in a way that He has never been there before. My friend Jenny accepts me, forgives me and challenges me to be the one to give the other a bigger boost or a lighter heart after getting together. She forgives before I can spit out an apology and always reminds me of Jesus when she laughs and says she doesn't even remember what I'm apologizing for. She and Jenn always remind me to not self depreciate and just be me. My friend Knelly is always there, sometimes I need her and sometimes she needs me but it's always a feeling of teamwork, that we bear the load for each other and don't expect too much of one another with 1,000 miles separating us. My sister Ginny and I overcame much and worked together to resolve differences and treat each other with a level of respect and love that transcended a lifetime of great friendship fractured by disrespect and selfishness. She's my sister/friend and we'll always have our own special language. She commiserates no matter what I complain about and empathy is certainly a gift from God. None of us were always "good friends" to one another. We are just people. Grace is the foundation of friendship. The only advice I can now give my daughters is to befriend everyone but pull the ones headed in the same direction as you very close especially when they stumble. Because it means the world to me to have friends who have done that for me.