I'm sure it does. The hours on the road to meet my new niece were so long. I drove until my bum was numb. I envisioned her, I imagined what it would be like if Daniel were there. I pictured Hannah with her in her arms. Finally, I stopped at Subway at 10:30 because I hadn't eaten dinner and my stomach was in knots. My phone rang and my heart plummmeted. All through the day I had been the one calling. Nobody had called me. It was Elisabeth calling to tell me that little Karhys had made an appearance at 10:22. I still had two more hours of driving. Ah well. It brought to mind the phrase "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I spoke to Mom and Dad. I felt like I'd let Daniel down a bit. I'd promised to be the presence for the birth of the first Herbert in 23 years. Mom told me that it would all work out perfectly and I'd get some very special alone time with the wee mite. When I got to the maternity floor of the hospital I realized that it was the first time I'd been to a hospital for the birth of a relative since Daniel himself was born. I remember a nurse holding a screaming red child and telling me (I was 7) that he was my brother. He was huge, 11 lbs 5 oz, screaming belligerently and quite terrifying to me. I remember being allowed to hold him when they came home and he wasn't so red when he wasn't screaming. Ahhh memories. Now he's a daddy fighting for us in Afganistan. As we turned the corner, Elisabeth (Hannah's sister) and Elizabeth (Hannah's other sister in law) saw a nurse wheeling a baby forward and broke into smiles announcing that here she was and had just gone for her security photos. I walked up to the little girl and felt tears welling up, knowing that Daniel still hadn't held this little mite and wouldn't for months. She was beautiful. I suppose that everyone says that. They call every baby beautiful and I respect that, but truely, this girl has a claim to beauty in her own right. I felt a shock that she had dark hair. Daniel and Hannah are so fair, I had expected a little nondescript downy patch on her head like all of mine. As I took in the curve of her top lip and her well formed nose, I saw Hannah very clearly. I wanted to see a bit of my baby brother and I know that features will come out in time that I can pick out as his, but on that first day I only saw Hannah. Hannah excitedly recounted the speed with which her labor had passed just like her momma. I cast glances at my little brother pulled up on skype who I was seeing for the first time since December. I was so happy and relieved for the new mommy. She'd been up for 36 hours and the longer it took, the more tired she would have been for the pushing. I wanted to take care of her but I knew it wasn't my job or place. It made me sad that I had known nothing about birth when Ginny had babies because I could have taken care of her. I tried to be at Ethans birth but he had been a recalcitrant baby coming 10 days late, long after my flight home to Colorado. It was a piercing disappointment and it comes back to me now. I stayed with Hannahs family for the night and two of her sisters slept by her in Daniel's place. When I came back in the morning, Hannah was awake and so happy and radiant. Her sisters were exhausted sleeping on a chair and a cot. Daniel should have been on that cot but I tried not to dwell on it. Daniel was on skype again. I think those love birds would sleep by that video chat if they could. He watched his baby girl while she slept and we all talked of inconsequential things. Hannah agreed to let me hold my niece and I pulled her into my arms and unwrapped her little feet and hands and tummy and legs. I played with her toes and marveled at her perfection, wishing Daniel could feel newborn skin. She was practically comatose after the exhausting work of being born. I suppose I spent nearly an hour with her but of course it felt much shorter than a sixth of my drive. I kissed her, marveled at her round cheeks, touched her perfect nose and wished she'd be this wonderful little caterpillar when I next saw her but I knew, she would be already metamorphasizing. No longer will her little knees be pulled up to her chest when I next see her, the swaddling will be gone and she'll be stretched out rolling around in a whole new and adorable phase. Back home, my own wonderful family was waiting and calling me with frequency. By noon I was aware of the fact that Hannah had so many people in her life, I was only cluttering the place up. Her mom was helping her with breastfeeding, her sisters were fetching her needs and I felt welcome but the sheer number of people must have been suffocating for the new mommy. I believe there were 10 adults and four children in the hospital room at one point. Her wonderful brother Ben helped me unload the baby things I brought and it was time for me to leave. I wish I could say I had been a valuable presence in some way, contributing to her and not just taking time with my new family member, but alas, I was rather useless aside from some pictures I took. Here's the new girl! The one we welcomed on Friday night! This is why we live. For these miracle moments when we see the power of God to create a human for us to love, nurture and enjoy!
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