A memorial to 55 million Americans slain

Tonight ended like many nights do. I snuggled Hazel to sleep, tripped over a block on the way to the crib with her, woke her up and had her possessively grab my hand and hold it tightly for about 10 minutes until she fell asleep again. As her little hands held mine, I couldn't help but think about all of the little hands that have struggled and fought to survive against an abortionist as they were systematically dismembered and removed from their mothers wombs. Little babies, crumpled in pain, fruitlessly struggling against a dark and evil force. I argue with people about this dark evil practice and they always talk about a woman's body... and her rights. Unfortunately, it isn't her body that hangs in the balance, it's someone else's. Someone tiny and defenseless. Someone who could be as amazing as my little Eden. My little baby that could have easily been aborted if I hadn't had morals, education and convictions. I was a single girl, living in a basement apartment across town from an ex-boyfriend who I wasn't on speaking terms with. If I hadn't been someone who knows that the things unseen are every bit as real as the things seen, my life could have turned out dramatically differently. I'm pondering a world without Eden and it rips a hole in my heart. I can't imagine anything without her. She's a part of the fabric of my life. She's a wonder to me. She saved me from spinning my wheels and put my life into drive. She's the only kind of oldest child to have. She is so kind to her younger siblings and always wishes she had a big sister or brother. She tries to be what she wishes she had. I am so glad I protected her and gave her life. Even if Jody and I hadn't worked it out, knowing her and seeing all that she has in front of her... I wonder what she will do with the life God gave her. The life I guarded. To the 55 million other people who weren't so lucky, I am so sorry but I want you to know that I am raising four mighty warriors who will champion you and if they save a life, a tiny little helpless defenseless life... maybe it will be a start.

Where has my motivation gone?

I used to just thrive on writing about my little monkeys and then Hazel came... it's like I'll never adjust to having four kids. I love them all the same, but finding time to tabulate the experience of parenting them doesn't seem to be in the cards. Eden is 10. It's so fun. I love love love, having a 10 year old. She hangs out with me, talks about everything (but not too much) and helps me in whatever ways she can think to. She's loving to her siblings, good at being a friend and just generally a fantastic person to be around. Hazel is 1. I have loved this year. She is beautiful, funny, devilish, sweet, cuddly and always up to something. She finally has four teeth and her smile is so hilarious with those teeth. She grips her hands and squeezes as hard as she can while she wrinkles up her nose and grunts then lets out her breath with a big sigh and laughs at herself with us. Everywhere we go, she's thrilled and pointing at things and chattering gibberish. Her birthday was fantastic. She got a baby doll and went into raptures over it. Squealing, patting the box, trying to get the baby out. Then when Jody lifted the baby out and held it out to her she leaned forward with arms outstretched and said "bayyyy" then she screamed when she held it. I've never seen a one year old baby do that. It was adorable. Today I'm a happy mommy and wife. Life is as it should be. My only frustration is finding a home for this happy family of six. It's a huge job and so overwhelming. I hope it all turns out great in the end.