Tomorrow I'll go to see a movie which is adapted from a book that had a small hand in inspiring me to climb out of the sea of warm laundry, turn off the Outlander (sorry Juline), put down the wine (well not really), stop giving up on myself and go. I think getting stuck is utterly common, comfortably miserable, conveniently restricting and completely escapable.
I remember spending 20 years saying that if I started working out I'd probably get fat. So I got a physical job and promptly gained seven pounds. See? I knew it. And I pat my round tummy and sigh. But it's all worth it. I welcome seven pounds that come with this journey. It's a constant test of total humility which verges on humiliation from one moment to the next. I said to Jody the other day that sometimes it feels cringy doing a job where I'm substantially physically inferior to my peers and then downright gutting to go directly to school afterwards where I am colossally academically inferior to my peers. There's a lighthearted joy I find in just doing it all anyway. I remember telling one teacher that I know I just have to be extra patient with myself which made her smile because it's pretty much the only way of making it in my shoes. I am just one more adult student starting from zero and fighting my way through this. What I really want to say is, go watch that Bernadette movie. Maybe you won't be crazy like me, but maybe you'll take the leap out of the laundry if you're stuck.
I've been up for 18 hours and I "just needed to write a little something so I can fall asleep." I think I'm there. Goodnight world. Big hugs.
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