I was sitting on the couch beside a sick kid today although I was supposed to be on a field trip to a helicopter engineering firm and I tipped face forward into a couch cushion and sank into oblivion. I'm not sure what was the final straw. Was it the moment I stood in the school foyer asking for a grocery bag just in case she puked... that she then immediately puked in? I'm going with yes. I did not emerge from that coma until one of my kids called me to discuss their illness. My life has been legit busy. I realize I used to be the person who complained if there was something on my calendar every single day of a week. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm operating at max capacity, making two thermoses of tea before I leave the house for that ding bat job starting at 4AM every day, then going straight to Fort Collins for school twice a week peeling off layers of work clothes while I'm driving, showing up at the middle school three mornings a week to help Nick, apparently working a funeral circuit and yes I'm still going to the doctor all the time for the computer that fell on my head. Lets not forget dance classes, the voice lessons, the library activities, the youth group and on and on and on.
I have anxiety. You know the people who freak out in movies and start gasping? Yes, I do that... then I start doing yoga. The cat cow routine is the only thing that helps me breathe. I should do it at work when my all time worst boss, Thomas starts being an idiot. Can't you picture me trying to have a rational conversation and then just throwing in the towel and dropping to my hands and knees doing deep breathing while arching my back and spreading my chest? Solid plan. I'm adding it to my list.
Anyway, I love my life. I am not complaining. I'm just making sure I remember this nonsense whenever I want to complain about anything at any time ever in the future. Just like I remember when my kids were all little and I was making pots of hot tea and arranging painting supplies and catching them cut their shirts with scissors and grinding my teeth because they spread dog food and cereal and kleenexes and lipstick and paper mâché paste and chocolate syrup and maple syrup and orange juice and crumbs, we are talking enough crumbs to feed a herd of cattle... all over the house. I remember Jody going grocery shopping with me and making all of the money for me to go shopping. I remember nursing babies in every conceivable location on earth with milk spraying the world like a spigot. I remember being awake all night when they were sick and sleeping in all morning with them in my bed when they weren't. I'm so thankful for the life I've already lived. I could call it quits today and say it completely fulfilled me. And yet here I am peeking through the curtains to the next act and I'm like "cool, that will be fun." This little middle spot of transition is definitely crazy but I'm ok with crazy.
I have anxiety. You know the people who freak out in movies and start gasping? Yes, I do that... then I start doing yoga. The cat cow routine is the only thing that helps me breathe. I should do it at work when my all time worst boss, Thomas starts being an idiot. Can't you picture me trying to have a rational conversation and then just throwing in the towel and dropping to my hands and knees doing deep breathing while arching my back and spreading my chest? Solid plan. I'm adding it to my list.
Anyway, I love my life. I am not complaining. I'm just making sure I remember this nonsense whenever I want to complain about anything at any time ever in the future. Just like I remember when my kids were all little and I was making pots of hot tea and arranging painting supplies and catching them cut their shirts with scissors and grinding my teeth because they spread dog food and cereal and kleenexes and lipstick and paper mâché paste and chocolate syrup and maple syrup and orange juice and crumbs, we are talking enough crumbs to feed a herd of cattle... all over the house. I remember Jody going grocery shopping with me and making all of the money for me to go shopping. I remember nursing babies in every conceivable location on earth with milk spraying the world like a spigot. I remember being awake all night when they were sick and sleeping in all morning with them in my bed when they weren't. I'm so thankful for the life I've already lived. I could call it quits today and say it completely fulfilled me. And yet here I am peeking through the curtains to the next act and I'm like "cool, that will be fun." This little middle spot of transition is definitely crazy but I'm ok with crazy.
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