Ten days before Easter I was in an emotional tailspin. I was grumpy, sensitive, critical, negative and sour. I guess you could say I hit the wall. Which always happens when I lose touch with the Holy Spirit. So, I rang Him up and He said to stop being a vapid vacuous nitwit and sink in to Holy Week. I thought it was a brilliant idea and so I did. At the beginning I was despairful. A few days later I had moved up to grumpy and scornful. On Thursday we went to the Christian Passover dinner which was a little stressful but also good and I was getting sick but didn't know it do exhausting.That night my dreams started. Whenever I unplug from social media and tune in to God, he brings dreams to me. That night my dreams were the darkest I've ever had. And they brought me to a place of deep gratitude. By Good Friday my heart became mush. I lost all track of everything except my sin and His great sacrifice. The Good Friday service took me somewhere new, for the first time I reflected on the patience God has with me knowing I am so weak I wouldn't even watch and pray one hour on the night of His arrest. That night He gave me the most vividly funny and lighthearted dreams of my life full of laughter with a former friend who about a year ago felt her life would be better without me in it. I woke up aware of how much joy there is to be had here and now and determined not to repeat past mistakes. I was getting sicker and sicker though and so was Hazel. She couldn't go to the Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday but the rest of the family volunteered while I stayed home with her, chugging elderberry and telling myself I was winning. I wasn't. It was not to be. My body hurt, Hazel was running a 103 fever, so I dutifully cancelled brunch and asked for a sub for my role in kids quest. So we missed church on Easter. The one week when everyone goes to church. In the evening, the kids asked me to finish reading our book, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. After the last word crossed my lips and sank into my heart I realized I had the best Easter ever.
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