Tonight I mulled over many many friends and family. The ones who've faded away and the ones I still see but somehow for the first time I saw their universes as well as mine and I took less blame and held less blame. I saw caurosels of all sizes and speeds spinning in front of them just like the one in front of me... and it softened me.
My friend Bart once asked me if we are all just repeating patterns in our lives. It was one of the most interesting questions I've ever pondered. It doesn't seem to matter what is going on, that little question pops up. As I sit at a parent teacher conference. As I lecture Eden. As I muddle through another rat maze of a relationship conflict. As I narrow my eyes at Jody. As I pack a moving box. As I reflect on my extended family. As I pop a bottle of wine... Ok just trying to be funny.
Are we repeating all of these patterns by our own design or is God bringing the opportunities to learn back to us like a carousel at a carnival swinging past us for us to reach out and take it welcoming the growth? Is every swing of the carousel meant to add layers of understanding, peace and growth? Are we pressuring ourselves to try too hard and grab too much with each revolution? Rather than learning the valuable lesson of patience as we wait for the next turn? Is there some hope that we can shortcut life when the real point is to just keep our hearts open and stay active and optimistic?
I will strive to welcome my life carousel whether the next thing I grab is spiritual renewal, healing, rest, letting go, holding on, giving, taking, working, sacrificing, holding space or just being. Because the pattern will repeat until I breathe my last.
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