The gift

When I think of friendship as it relates to my present life, I grasp something very personal and raw. What you my friends have done is taught me how to love with grace. While I used to tell my kids to find good friends, I now hesitate. Because nobody is always a good friend. Friendship isn't really a choice, it's a gift. In recent months, I've modified my friendship advice to my daughters so much that they are probably hopelessly confused. It comes from a deep need to acknowledge the gifts of friendship that have been bestowed upon me. If I think about how my best friend Jody has loved me through the last 15 years I'm honestly humbled. Even during my recent crisis, he remembered who I really was and he kept reminding me. My friend Christine held my hand lightly through my grief and I so admire and respect her amazing gift from God to do that so well. She always gives me truth and trusts the process of friendship drama free. My friend Jenn offered me a perfect picture of love and forgiveness when I asked for it after what I can only describe as an absence from myself. She helped me work on stuff and let Jesus in to my life in a way that He has never been there before. My friend Jenny accepts me, forgives me and challenges me to be the one to give the other a bigger boost or a lighter heart after getting together. She forgives before I can spit out an apology and always reminds me of Jesus when she laughs and says she doesn't even remember what I'm apologizing for. She and Jenn always remind me to not self depreciate and just be me. My friend Knelly is always there, sometimes I need her and sometimes she needs me but it's always a feeling of teamwork, that we bear the load for each other and don't expect too much of one another with 1,000 miles separating us. My sister Ginny and I overcame much and worked together to resolve differences and treat each other with a level of respect and love that transcended a lifetime of great friendship fractured by disrespect and selfishness. She's my sister/friend and we'll always have our own special language. She commiserates no matter what I complain about and empathy is certainly a gift from God. None of us were always "good friends" to one another. We are just people. Grace is the foundation of friendship. The only advice I can now give my daughters is to befriend everyone but pull the ones headed in the same direction as you very close especially when they stumble. Because it means the world to me to have friends who have done that for me.

A book review

Yesterday I finished "Me Before You".  My friend Christine recommended it and her thoughtful expression was all I needed to know I had to read it. True to form, I did not read a review or a synopsis before diving in. It's what I do. Some people like Sherril Herbert actually read the synopsis as well as the end of the book first which I firmly consider sacrilege. There have been times that my purposeful avoidance has backfired, like when someone talked me into reading 50 Shades of Gray. By page 14, I was pretty sure I was not reading anything of literary value. By page 70 of that drivel I was afraid the book was also far away from my line of interest. Finally my dark premonitions were confirmed and very belatedly I read the synopsis and confirmed that no... 50 Shades was not the book for me. Still blushing. 

Back to my book review. I've noticed that my taste in books has become far different lately. I want someone to challenge what I think and believe rather than agree with it. In addition, I think I'm attracted to anything about grief to see if an author can accurately portray it. Having recently read "All the Lights We Cannot See" my expectations are rather high so I have to admit I was unfairly critical of the writing at first. Rarely does a person spend 10 years writing a book, but as a reader, it's hard to come down off of the high of reading one that was a product of such passion. Still, I did read "Me Before You" until 4AM. I liked it... A lot.

I rather think the take away for most people from this book would be to rationalize assisted suicide or dream big dreams. Please look deeper. Any educated mind can see a controversial issue through a personal lense of truth. I'm already aware that the true statistics of assisted suicide laws and unfortunately opening the door to "choice" leads to abuse of a law, coercion and even murder so I don't find the element influential nor do I even feel that it really is meant to be propaganda. Simply said, this book does explore a reality in our world and how it impacts people. There's a good message about living a big life but it wasn't what resonated. For me, this book was more of a lesson about accepting other people's choices and consequences while loving unconditionally and opening your heart to love no matter the cost. As a person who has chronically focused more on other peoples problems than my own, it resonated to be reminded exactly what I am responsible for in life. Me. It affirmed my budding perspective that finding peace through a hard experience doesn't come from working really hard to change the outcome or someone else's perspective, but from loving people the way they need to be loved. I did some things wrong when my dad was dying. I can't say I didn't try hard enough to save him. I can say I didn't try hard enough to savor whatever we had in those last weeks because I was trying so hard to hold back the tide and do my "jobs". He made choices in his life that were very hard for me to accept. Refusing to accept his consequences in my mind robbed me of the chance to simply bless him as he passed into eternity. I'm convinced that author has faced the hard experience of being a caregiver. I would never want to imply that I was a caregiver for my dad. My mom and sister did basically everything but I saw them and this author knows. Someday I will face this situation in some form again but it will be different for me because I know I'm not God and I know the Holy Spirit has a job in those times that I could never fill. The book wasn't spiritual or aligned with my world view but it blessed me.