Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I think it's important for me to record this.
I have done Eden a terrible disservice and really have no way of making it up to her. She cried, I cried, then I cried again because of the horrible guilt. Somehow, this past fall, I sat down with the school calendar and recorded on my master calendar that Eden's Winter Musical would be on Wednesday, December 9th. By some mental acrobatics, I somehow managed to change that to December 16th in my mind. By some crazy twist of fate, both dates were wrong and it was, in fact, Monday, December 14th. It was last night, and Eden missed it. All of that would be understandable aside from the fact that I received several correspondences from the school regarding the exact date and it never registered. This was compounded by the fact that Eden told me last weekend that it was on Monday and I didn't believe her. I thought she was confused. I glanced at my calendar and didn't even notice I had it written on the 9th, not the 16th anyway. So, somehow despite approximately 15 safety nets, I made Eden, dear Eden, miss her Christmas Musical. She practiced those songs for months, she anticipated wearing her most beautiufl dress, and then she had to go to school today and listen to all of her friends talk about it. I have cried on and off about ten times. I am overcome with regret. So, though I often make fun of my lack of organization, I really do wish I could ever just get the really important things right.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
A little confession
Now, if this is not something that you identify with... please do me the favor of NEVER telling me. I realize that I am held to a higher standard by people judging my faith in Christ and I understand the logic. They think I find myself to be a better person deserving of heaven which is a complete misconception but is there nonetheless.
Sunday morning I rolled around in bed pretending I didn't need to get up yet. Finally at 9:20 I arose. I sailed into the kitchen to find Kait at the counter and Eden playing with the bingo game cage. I told them to run upstairs and get dressed quickly so we wouldn't be late for church. What I did not say was that they should disregard my lecture of the night before about their state of dereliction and desperate need for bathing. I ran downstairs to grab a shower because we all know that people will forgive dirty children but not dirty parents. I was in the third glorious minute of my shower when the pressure dropped and I realized the girls had independently decided to bathe. "GREAT." I got out of the shower, dashed upstairs and told them to hurry while digging everywhere for a clean pair of jeans that I like on me. None to be found. Gotta wear the old faithful black velvet pants, but it's freezing outside so then I had to paw through all of my drawers looking for the only pair of leggings I own to wear underneath. I finally felt sufficiently attired and turned back to the girls. They had decided to get out of the bath with dry hair. Now that was just pointless to me. I told them to wash each others hair and dashed downstairs to dry my hair. I got it about half dry and started getting the "Oh God, we're going to be late for CHURCH" ants in my pants. I dashed back upstairs and pawed through Nick's dresser looking for church clothes while lecturing the girls that they HAD to get OUT of the bath. They jumped out, I dashed back downstairs to answer the 10:00 doorbell and show some furniture that the lady did NOT buy and came back up a few minutes later to find Eden standing there telling me she had no idea what to wear to church. This was just the limit. All the while, Jody had been shoveling snow in the driveway and getting a shower himself, which turned out to be a 20 second shower where he shiveringly washed his hair. I dashed into Eden's room, found her some clothes and practically dressed her. Talked Kait into switching into a shirt that kind of matched her summer dress and tights she had chosen and then started trying to get Nick up so I could dress him. I had thrown several random items out trying to decide what would be both warm and cute on a 5 degree day. Not that Kait had cared, but all the same. Ya know? Eden showed up with her clothes on! Victory only to annouce that she had not conditioned her hair because she didn't have TIME. I exploded. Of course, having spent 30 minutes and an entire water heater full of water, I THINK she had time to condition her hair. I drug her quivering frame into the bathroom, slapped leave in conditioner into her hair and brushed it. Jody dressed Nick. Praise God. At this point, my neighbor Theresa whom I had invited to go to church with us was in the driveway, beautifully made up with smooth hair, fresh makeup and a cleaned off car. I started throwing granola bars at people and I KNEW I was not going to make it if I didn't get at least one cup of tea so I heated that up. We finally drug the whole clap trap crew out the door and made it to church on time.
I'm only sharing this story because I do know for a fact there is another woman who shared this same drama at a time in her life because Jody's mom told me so. No, it wasn't her! It was her sister and she said that she used to commit more sins getting her kids out the door to church, than the whole rest of the week. True, so true.
As I sat ready to take my communion at the end of church, all I could think of was how I had gotten up too late, had not laid out clothes for church, yelled at my daughter for my own lack of organization, had failed to give my family a breakfast due to my laziness and still sat primly in the pew with my symbolic cup of Christs blood which was shed for the very sins I committed that morning.
Sunday morning I rolled around in bed pretending I didn't need to get up yet. Finally at 9:20 I arose. I sailed into the kitchen to find Kait at the counter and Eden playing with the bingo game cage. I told them to run upstairs and get dressed quickly so we wouldn't be late for church. What I did not say was that they should disregard my lecture of the night before about their state of dereliction and desperate need for bathing. I ran downstairs to grab a shower because we all know that people will forgive dirty children but not dirty parents. I was in the third glorious minute of my shower when the pressure dropped and I realized the girls had independently decided to bathe. "GREAT." I got out of the shower, dashed upstairs and told them to hurry while digging everywhere for a clean pair of jeans that I like on me. None to be found. Gotta wear the old faithful black velvet pants, but it's freezing outside so then I had to paw through all of my drawers looking for the only pair of leggings I own to wear underneath. I finally felt sufficiently attired and turned back to the girls. They had decided to get out of the bath with dry hair. Now that was just pointless to me. I told them to wash each others hair and dashed downstairs to dry my hair. I got it about half dry and started getting the "Oh God, we're going to be late for CHURCH" ants in my pants. I dashed back upstairs and pawed through Nick's dresser looking for church clothes while lecturing the girls that they HAD to get OUT of the bath. They jumped out, I dashed back downstairs to answer the 10:00 doorbell and show some furniture that the lady did NOT buy and came back up a few minutes later to find Eden standing there telling me she had no idea what to wear to church. This was just the limit. All the while, Jody had been shoveling snow in the driveway and getting a shower himself, which turned out to be a 20 second shower where he shiveringly washed his hair. I dashed into Eden's room, found her some clothes and practically dressed her. Talked Kait into switching into a shirt that kind of matched her summer dress and tights she had chosen and then started trying to get Nick up so I could dress him. I had thrown several random items out trying to decide what would be both warm and cute on a 5 degree day. Not that Kait had cared, but all the same. Ya know? Eden showed up with her clothes on! Victory only to annouce that she had not conditioned her hair because she didn't have TIME. I exploded. Of course, having spent 30 minutes and an entire water heater full of water, I THINK she had time to condition her hair. I drug her quivering frame into the bathroom, slapped leave in conditioner into her hair and brushed it. Jody dressed Nick. Praise God. At this point, my neighbor Theresa whom I had invited to go to church with us was in the driveway, beautifully made up with smooth hair, fresh makeup and a cleaned off car. I started throwing granola bars at people and I KNEW I was not going to make it if I didn't get at least one cup of tea so I heated that up. We finally drug the whole clap trap crew out the door and made it to church on time.
I'm only sharing this story because I do know for a fact there is another woman who shared this same drama at a time in her life because Jody's mom told me so. No, it wasn't her! It was her sister and she said that she used to commit more sins getting her kids out the door to church, than the whole rest of the week. True, so true.
As I sat ready to take my communion at the end of church, all I could think of was how I had gotten up too late, had not laid out clothes for church, yelled at my daughter for my own lack of organization, had failed to give my family a breakfast due to my laziness and still sat primly in the pew with my symbolic cup of Christs blood which was shed for the very sins I committed that morning.
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