Four things #4 has taught me so far...

The first thing that Hazel taught me is that you can experience raising a baby without glancing over your shoulder wishing you had tried to savor something more. I feel completely "in the now" with Hazel. Everything she does is grand and and I simply enjoy each moment. What's behind us is nothing but great memories and what's ahead of us rarely crosses my mind. I wept regularly each time I realized something had ended while raising my first three babies. Not Hazel. I feel completely content with who she is and where she's at now. Now is enough for me and I wish I could pass out this feeling to every new parent like coconut water or something. It's magic. Secondly, Hazel taught me that babies don't have elbows when they are born. I have regularly smoothed my hand over the spot that will be an elbow someday with great wonder. Thirdly, I noticed that I never said the word "no" to her until she was 5 months and 1 week old. I know this is starting to sound nonsensical but these things stand out to me. As a mother who says "no" a hundred times a day, there was a certain glory in the knowledge that I had one person in the house who I never had to say that word to until the reaching and grabbing and smushing into her mouth maneuvers started. But "no" is still a coo. I just coo it mindlessly while prying her fingers off of the window blinds or blades of grass she has just plucked or a crumpled piece of paper she has already half eaten. Fourth, I am divinely blessed to know her. It's a simple phrase but it's kinda heavy. I know an amazing little person who loves me and smiles at me and snuggles me. All that she is, amazes me. Not because I consider her a prodigy. Not because I think she's cognitively or physically superior to her peers. Not because I convinced myself she's been sitting up since she was two weeks old and playing chess since the age of 3 months. No, because she's Hazel. Hazel is great. She's my little chum and I'm so glad to know her, have her here and spend part of my life with her. I love her.

We're good for the money.

We are on a new adventure. We have finally reconciled ourselves to being landlords indefinitely. We've had five rounds of renters in our house in Kasson. Who knows, maybe they will leave this fall and make it six. I'm resigned and accepting but feel sorry for all of Jody's wonderful family who facilitate that very cumbersome responsibility. On the other hand, our landlord decided to raise the rent on us. We've never raised rent on any of our renters but they never stay very long so I guess it shouldn't bother me. I was feeling very sad about it and Jody felt like running his fist into the wall when I randomly told him we should see how much house we can buy with that liability still on our finances. It turns out that we have rented it for so long that we can buy another house. It certainly is about time. I cannot count how many people have told us to fold our cards on that house. I can't even recall all of the things we watched happen that made us press our lips bitterly together, like a friend's relative who did a short sale and bought a new house in less time than we could have imagined and of course far less time than we have been able to. I can't honestly say that we have made the right choices all along or that what happened with that house had to happen. Perhaps a more savvy person would have done some magic math and figured out a better and more cost saving plan. Regardless, we have done what we know to do and have survived without throwing in the towel. The only thing that held us strong to that conviction were the words of my parents who told me no matter how hard it got they never let Culligan go bankrupt when they owned it. Remembering something as a child and having that agonizing and admirable experience held up to me, gave me grit. So, Jody and I would whine and whimper from time to time but we held strong to the fact that someone in this world invested in us when we bought that house. Someone loaned us that money and we owed it to them to repay our debts no matter how much it cost us or how long it took. Yes it was a matter of pride, pride that I wish all adults had. As we faced unemployment, some very expensive cancer and an unexpected but incredibly wonderful and very expensive fourth child, it didn't seem like life was ever going to give us a financial break and maybe it never will but it made us stronger, happier, closer to God and more peaceful. This is a sermon I've probably put on my blog a few times before. Still, after four years of trying, tempting, testing and tempering, we feel good. We feel well rounded and the better for our experiences. The humility that comes from dealing with the consequences of each choice you make, whether good or bad can't be bought and is priceless. Am I proud of my found humility? I suppose so, maybe that negates it and it needs a new name. Whatever I'm transformed to by these experiences, I am thankful and I love it.
So now, it's 2012. In 2008 we started the season of never-ending drama. Please let 2012 be the season of never ending peace. We are finally house hunting. Jody has been told he can have checkups once per year instead of every six months. Hazel is born, paid for and developing wonderfully and adorably. The kids are passing all of their classes in school. We haven't had any bad news this year. I am so thankful!!!
So stay tuned! This is our year. Some day soon you might just be seeing pictures of something I had given up hope of having in my forseeable future, my family in a home that we can call our own in only 30 short years. :) Until then, whoever you are you wonderful investor, we're good for the money. ;)

Parachute

I love to write about my highs. I love to preserve the special and unforgettable moments that carry me across the lows like a parachute.
Yesterday I was feverishly working on the computer trying to sell furniture and house hunt while nursing Hazel when the girls clomped in. Eden had on my high heeled boots and Kait was wearing some open toe black high heels. They stood proudly in front of me and in a flash I was a little girl in my moms bathroom staring at her shoe organizer hanging over her closet door. In my mind I struggled to choose between the shiny gold strappy cork heels or the espadrilles with the knotted sandal top. It connected me to them. I felt a poof of fresh air pumped into me and I smiled and told them they are finally to the age that I remember as a child and it is so fun to see them do things I remember doing. Kait got a crafty look and said "did you wear your moms makeup too?" I said yes and they scampered into my bathroom. I visualized the clear plastic makeup organizer in my mom's medicine cabinet and all of the colorful makeup begging me to wear it, especially a circular compact of bright creme blush that she never wore herself. Sometimes I feel so tired, so taxed, so burdened that I miss the beauty of childhood. It really is beautiful. It's here with me to give me the lift I need to make it through the moment when I feel like a complete failure. Tonight was hard but I made it through and I think it was because I had been spending the last several days telling myself that I just HAD to blog some beautiful things.
First of all, spring break was just a magical week.
On Monday Jenny T. and I decided to meet at Chataqua and take the kids hiking. Just a quick recap, that's one 12 year old, two 9 year olds, one 6 year old, one 4 year old and a 5 month old. Don't ask me why we thought that was a reasonable plan but for some reason it worked out. It was fantastical (in the words of Ramona) and completely perfect. As Jenny and I huffed along behind the excited kids scampering up the shady trail with the sun peeking through the leaves and a gentle wind at our backs, we talked about life. It was better therapy than anything I can think of. At one point the kids wanted to go higher so I sat on a rock and nursed Hazy while Jenny took the big kids higher. They stopped for a giant marshmallow snack and came back down, then we made it back to the car with Kait and Nick just starting to whine. Perfect timing. We headed to DQ for a lunch of ice-cream and then went home.

On Tuesday I had to run grab a buffet for Bart but I had bragged about Monday so much that Jody just couldn't stand to go to work so he took the big kids to the bike park at Valmont and they had a great time aside from Eden having and epic crash. Her road rash is still healing. So thankful for bike helmets!
On Wednesday Jody took Kait skiing and my Aunt Gail came through Colorado and stopped by to visit and have dinner. We had a great visit and I think it was a pretty special time for Jody and Kait to have alone.
On Thursday Jody took Eden skiing with Cody and his boys and I took the other three to Jenny's house for a brunch. We had so much fun and laughed and relaxed and sipped mimosas. I know most people think I do that like all of the time but I don't! After this second therapy session I felt like I had been healed of some indescribable malady that had made me feel beaten and frustrated to no end in the two weeks before spring break.
That afternoon Jody's mom and Jerry arrived and we launched into another fantastical visit with them like always. The grandparents took the girls shopping and all of the kids to a movie. We had a great breakfast at The Huckleberry in Louisville, looked at model homes, relaxed and watched some netflix movies together.
It was such a great week that I just didn't want it to end.
Then on Wednesday we had a late start. At 7:30 I heard someone in the kitchen and was convinced it was Kait because she is my early riser. I was surprised to find Eden in the kitchen, dressed and finished making her lunch. I asked if she wanted to make scones and she did so we had some scrumptious raspberry scones and then sat down and played a game of scrabble. It was exactly how I wish summer could be. Just living together and doing things together without the nonstop tv/internet struggle.
My Kaity Kat came in the kitchen with a furrowed brow and a notebook in hand yesterday. I asked her what was up and she told me she wanted to write some songs because she was planning to have two concerts later but she wanted them to be like Taylor Swift but she said "Svift" and it was so cute to watch the way she held her mouth. I had no idea what to tell her and she wandered off and she and Eden focused on making a stage. Later we attended the concert only to discover that there wasn't going to be a concert because she hadn't written any songs yet but she would be happy to tell us a three part story about a duck. So she told us part 1 and there was much ado about the duck liked to have "qwackers" in his soup and then Eden would just double over in peals of laughter and giggles.
She wrote a book at school and it was requested that I write an "About the Author" blurb for her and this is what I came up with.
Kaitlyn Belle Allen was born in Littleton, Colorado. She currently lives in Erie, Colorado with her father, mother and three siblings. She graduated kindergarten with honors and is currently pursuing a high school diploma. Born a storyteller, Kaitlyn naturally turned to writing and found quick success with her first book. Although all of her characters are fictional, much of her writing is inspired by her time living in Minnesota and visits to a family farm in Arkansas as well as an uncle who was deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan in the Army.
Kaitlyn enjoys spending time with her two dogs Kearney and Journey and playing in the cul de sac with her neighbors and friends. She is an all around Colorado girl and is an avid hiking, skiing and biking enthusiast.